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Joined: 3/12/2011
Posts: 376
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@indirectly / alex - so go look at crowbar girl... 
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Joined: 3/16/2011
Posts: 279
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Some love stories should never be told...or read.
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 412
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or acknowledged that they every happened, except that one drunken thanksgiving when you broke down crying and admitted what you did to your children before barfing on the last piece of pumpkin pie, then passing out, slumped over in your mashed potatoes. Man, Black friday shopping with the family was AWKWARD that year...
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Joined: 3/16/2011
Posts: 279
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oh...my...god...
I'm laughing so hard right now. Alex...how did you get at my family Thanksgiving.
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Joined: 4/3/2011
Posts: 66
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Miro
Roswell meets Starman with teen drama and evil men in black.
My Four Fathers & Eleanor
One man, five different personalities + a surprise baby = one big loving family.
My Novel Affair
An author finds true love on the pages of her own novel while a violent imaginary revenge dwarf finds new and creative ways to deal with her self absorbed husband.
The Twelve
The Da Vinci Code meets Se7ven and a clarivoyant detective in New York.
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 102
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I have no idea what a "high concept" hook is but I'd appreciate any help anyone is willing to give me with mine.
Mother Knows Best
What happens when someone tries to expose a secret its keeper is not yet ready to part with? For two families the consequences prove fatal.
By the low number of critiques I've received compared to other books in my genre, I can tell my hook and book description suck. I just don't know how to fix it.
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Joined: 3/30/2011
Posts: 8
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I am sooo bad at the hook thing.
For DARKLINGS I have: A daily run for salvage turns into a fight for survival when a sandstorm, an apocalyptic cult and some rogue power workers interrupt it.
And even I don't feel hooked. Plus it leaves out more than half of the story...
I'm going to take some time this weekend to see if I can't figure out a better way to frame it.
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 102
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Thank you
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I'm not sure if I know the difference between a hook and a logline, or which is high concept, but I'm guessing high concept involves hooking the reader with a mashup of popular story lines or characters. The risk is using references that are too obscure. Say you really like cerebral, ensemble comedy but the potential audience has never seen Local Hero or Waking Ned Devine.
For The Toast Bitches, I used "Sex and the City meets 30 Rock" or "Picture Liz Lemon instead of Carrie in Sex and the City" I'm guessing this is high concept, but not a hook because the premise isn't clear.
For Bad Ice, I used a logline that encompasses hockey and suspense:
"Hockey. Passion. Jealousy. A Hat Trick that can lead to danger." Is this high concept or just a hook?
For my current sub, I use a hook that is definitely NOT high concept:
"Two people meet thirty years after they attended the same international high school in Mallorca, Spain."
For my WIP, I am using: "When Vicky and her millionaire boyfriend vanish while taking his float plane for fish & chips, Amanda wants to worry. Really, she does. But she's too busy trying to stay alive." I'm guessing this is a hook, but not high concept.
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 412
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I just realized last night I can phrase one of them in high concept.
Avatar: The last airbender abilities imbue a futuristic X-men like world, where those with elemental powers are hunted by those with political power, and a terrorist organization seeks to overthrow a totalitarian government.
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Joined: 4/26/2011
Posts: 1
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In a possible Victorian London, human/Martian hybrid agents prepare for the invasion of their alien masters a decade before WAR OF THE WORLDS, with only a cyborg Shakespearean actor-cum-James Bond and his tentacled lover to stop them.
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Joined: 4/26/2011
Posts: 56
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I'd love some feedback on my hook:
A story of an isolated people faced by a suddenly resurgent, bestial enemy, Raven Son follows two rivals’ search for purpose and beauty amidst increasing chaos.
Thanks!
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Joined: 3/14/2011
Posts: 226
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I will preface by saying I have NO idea how to write a great hook. I think the story is high concept, but getting the elevator pitch to make it sound like it is...well, therein lies the problem.
It all started when the Ouija planchette moved itself across the board and spelled her name. Now, Irina is racing across the country to find human descendants of Elementals to help stop a Fire Elemental and his army from annihilating humans--except she's not sure she wants to.
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Joined: 4/26/2011
Posts: 56
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Thanks for the feedback! Do you think this is better?
The land of Vasyllia is dying. Restless Voran searches for answers, but the Ancient Darkness is always one step ahead. What will it take to save his people?
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Joined: 4/26/2011
Posts: 8
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Tiger of Winter
His warden is a giant white tiger. His prison is the whole world.
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Joined: 4/26/2011
Posts: 3
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A civil war incited by a vampire that wants to reshape the world, and five werewolves that become the last of their kind fighting not for themselves but for the very survival of humanity.
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Joined: 4/26/2011
Posts: 25
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I read one writer's ms. here that is a work in progress. Afterward, I realized it had a high concept aspect.
Motorcycles on Mars.
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Joined: 4/26/2011
Posts: 56
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Thanks again! Do you think this is an improvement?
Voran is faced with an impossible choice - fight the Ancient Darkness and risk annihilation, or let his people fall to ensure their eventual redemption.
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Joined: 4/28/2011
Posts: 2
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I'm not sure if my current project is high concept. Let's find out if I can put it in one sentence...
In order to keep his insane mother stable, a young Japanese boy begins to dress and act like his deceased sister and progressively loses himself in the act. (Japanese steampunk)
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Joined: 4/27/2011
Posts: 28
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Can someone please thoroughly define the term: high concept? I think that would help (me) a great deal.
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Joined: 3/14/2011
Posts: 226
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Ted, I really liked yours. I would pick that up.
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Joined: 3/29/2011
Posts: 43
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Here's my new one sentence hook. When Julie discovers a metal box buried in her garden, she finds out the truth on her missing long-lost twin sister, Catherine.
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Joined: 3/12/2011
Posts: 376
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@Kristen, @Kalika,
I think both of those might be High Concept (not an expert myself), but your presentation might be a little off.
@Kristen - briefer, briefer, briefer. Do remember that you're not trying to do a full description. Pick some highlight and focus on that, and make it as punchy as possible.
Maybe - "Julie finds her missing sister Catherine in a box buried in the garden"?
@Kalika - Almost the same deal. Cut it down, but also (I hate to say this) lower the grade level of the vocabulary, specifically 'progressively' and 'deceased'.
Maybe - "Boy cross-dresses to keep his mother sane"?
LIke I said, I like both concepts, and think they both prompt immediate visuals, but you seem to be aiming at cerebral, and every High Concept idea I've read is visceral, not cerebral.
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Joined: 3/29/2011
Posts: 43
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Robert, I don't think that would work out. She's not buried alive. But she did find clues on what happened to her, twenty years ago. How about Julie finds buried clues in a box of her missing sister's appearance.
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Joined: 4/26/2011
Posts: 25
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@Sinnie - "Is it dangerous to compare your work to someone else's?"
YES - if you refer in a qualitative way. I'm sure you've seen people naively saying "It's like J.K. Rowling, only better!" (the most extreme example I could think of). I've seen others on the order of "As exciting and romantic as Stephenie Meyer, but much better written." With common sense, I think just about everybody can see what these types of references are a horrible idea.
NO - it is not dangerous if you are referring to a setting, type of character, or type of story in order to quickly portray your work. The comparison in high concept can help the person you're pitching to "get" your story quickly. If they think the appropriate comparison is workable, then it is good. No one should force a comparison to other work - or other media, such as film and TV - these days, even games.
I did a mini-pitch or high concept for Marshall, whose work totally blows me away. It is so good I wish the computer was my Kindle.
Oh. Wait. For Marshall's Maradaine Constabulary, I completed reading the pretty hefty segment he uploaded (30K).
In moments, I thought "Oliver Twist's smart, tough younger sister meets Harry Dresden."
These are references to characters and/or setting and the types of conflict in Marshall's evocative fantasy/magic-infused mystery.
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Joined: 4/29/2011
Posts: 3
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Deborah didn't have much choice in her upbringing, for if she did, she wouldn't have chosen the dark and death that laid ahead.
^ this is for the book i'm writing, what do you think?
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Joined: 4/26/2011
Posts: 26
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I really don't think my book is high concept. But maybe I am just too close to all of the little bits that make it up. I have been revising off and on for a few years. Fresh eyes might help. Here is a more in-depth description first: The protagonist, Ell Clyne, switches souls and fates with her sister. Eight years later, their secret is discovered. While the vampires seek to ensure that she is not a fraud, her sister falls in league with an evil witch to solidify their soul swap for good. Ell is kidnapped, tormented, befriended, tested to her limits, and pissed off enough to burn down a house and threaten the eldest vampires. In the end, she just wants to stay alive, find something to smile about, and reconnect with her estranged family.
Souled Out:
When the vampires cracked Ell Clyne's world open, she swapped fates with her sister. Now she will answer for her stolen ability, fight to live, & fall in love.
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Joined: 4/26/2011
Posts: 26
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And Marcie, I was thinking about your hook. Maybe this will work (though I still do not think it fits into the high concept criteria):
When someone tries to expose a secret, two families suffer fatal consequences.
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Joined: 4/27/2011
Posts: 28
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Here goes, a hook for John-E:
John-E's mind is as powerful as a super-computer; however, in His Overworld (of bots and simulations), thinking too much can be a dangerous pastime.
Any criticism/suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
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Joined: 4/29/2011
Posts: 17
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Convinced that law is not on their side, Yosef must break into a prison and avenge the man responable for the disappearance of one hundred runaway children, including ten-year-old Daud, who was the closest thing to a family that he had ever had.
Looking forward to comments and feedback.
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Joined: 3/12/2011
Posts: 376
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@Kristen - "Julie finds buried clues in a box of her missing sister's appearance"
Actually, that makes it sound like the box looks like her sister. *grin*. Honestly, I think you've got the core of your High Concept idea (Missing Sister, Buried Clue, Pursuit!), now you just need to put it into a single short, punchy sentence.
@Amy - Nice one! I'd read that! Almost wish you'd read mine and tell me what my High Concept ought to be. Of course, I'm terrible afraid that your only concept would be 'oh, god this sucks'.
@Black Fire - I hate to sound harsh, but... OK, Good thing - someone raised and railroaded to a Dark Fate is compelling, visceral. Work that. Bad thing - that sentence doesn't flow well at all. I'm not actually sure if it's improper grammar or just correct but obscure. Either way, clean it up and you might have something potent to pitch with.
@Michael - definitions in parentheses - *not* visceral, not high concept. Even for a cerebral book you want a visceral hook. Frustrating lesson I had to learn.
@Zia - Kids in danger, family connection, hero working outside the law; good stuff. Presentation needs work. Maybe "The man responsible for destroying Yosef's family had to pay for his crimes. There was just one problem; he was already in jail for something else."?
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Joined: 4/29/2011
Posts: 17
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Great feedback, Robert, thank you. The story is more involved with Afghan children, mostly orphans, from the pro Taliban era of the 90s, being trafficked into Pakistan, a less visible casualty of the Afghanistan and Soviet Union war, and their survival on the streets of Pakistan. The man responsible for causing the mayhem has surrendered to the police after reaching his self imposed goal. That is why he is already in police custody. I will work on a better presentation for high concept/hook.
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Joined: 4/27/2011
Posts: 28
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@Robert I appreciate the feedback. Can you give me an example of a visceral/cerebral hook? Thank you!
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Joined: 5/3/2011
Posts: 7
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Okay, I'm new at this so I might be posting the completely wrong way but here's mine...
Cinderella goes to the ball - falls in love with the Prince's brother.
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Joined: 3/14/2011
Posts: 226
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Neri - I'd *totally* read that! *off to go looking*
EDIT: Oh, it's not up yet. Let me know when it is (or if it will be)!
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Joined: 4/29/2011
Posts: 17
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Hey guys, I have uploaded my book, under Mystery. I look forward to hearing your comments and critique.
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Joined: 5/3/2011
Posts: 7
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Thanks Noelle, I actually just started writing it yesterday so it'll probably be a while before I put it up.
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Joined: 5/4/2011
Posts: 10
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I didn't see anything about whether or not the hook should be for finished books, so this if for one I just started.
Enarik is hounded by a killer in post apocalyptic Toledo, but how could a mere human have the strength to hunt demons?
or...
Atomic rifts cause two dimensions to collide, now humans and demons fight for supremacy.
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Joined: 4/27/2011
Posts: 28
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This is the hook for my (contemporary fantasy) YA novel, Solomon Pierce:
Solomon Pierce loses it all and in doing so wins a world of impossibilities: enrollment in an angel-training academy and dangers beyond belief.
Any/all suggestions would be very helpful. Having a bit of trouble with this 'high concept'...er...concept.
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Joined: 5/3/2011
Posts: 7
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Michael, I like your hook but more as a mini-synopsis than an actual hook, I might be wrong but I think a hook is meant to show how your story differs from others, while still providing enough information about the plot to the reader. As for 'high concept' I'm still confused...
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Joined: 3/12/2011
Posts: 376
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From what I read earlier in the thread, 'High Concept' is referring to the hook's marketability. From what I can tell, a perfect "High Concept" hook screams "Summer Blockbuster".
Which means that, yeah, not every book will be "High Concept".
@Michael - I was going to beg off, because I couldn't think of a really cerebral story with a visceral High Concept hook, because most of the aforementioned 'Summer Blockbusters' aren't very cerebral. There are a few that at least have (had?) the potential for it though. Here's two that I've seen.
"Computers destroy human civilization, the scattered refugees fight back in virtual reality"
"A girl scheduled for a lobotomy uses fantasy worlds to escape."
Both of them have some very cerebral possibililties about the nature of reality that a novel could explore. Thing is, when pitching, the cerebral stuff doesn't reach out and grab, the emotional stuff does.
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Joined: 4/26/2011
Posts: 54
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"When a girl with obsessive compulsive disorder falls in love with a sociopath, she finds herself fighting, not only for her sanity, but for her life."
Does this grab anyone?
Annabelle
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Joined: 3/14/2011
Posts: 226
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I'm going to give this another go:
Lightstorm -
There's only one problem with needing Irina to save the human race from annihilation: she's not sure they're worth saving.
What do you guys think? High concept? Hook-y enough?
x♥x
Noelle
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Joined: 3/16/2011
Posts: 279
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I'll play again now that I've seen how this works.
Bon Voyage-
An actor, a writer and a stalker go on a 'killer' cruise together.
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Joined: 4/26/2011
Posts: 4
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Henry Spark has been kicked to the curb by his wife. He spends the rest of the book discovering the person he once was. This could happen to you.
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Joined: 4/29/2011
Posts: 2
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Okay, okay, I HATE hooks; no matter what, they sound tawdry to me. But I know that I need one, and for the life of me, I can't seem to write one. Here goes:
A boy who keeps secrets promises revenge when his family is killed but the hunter finds himself hunted for the biggest secret of all--one he doesn't even know that he holds.
Thanks!
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Joined: 3/14/2011
Posts: 226
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Michael - I like yours a lot, and would pick it up to see more.
Annabelle - it doesn't grab me, but I'm not sure why not. I think the premise has potential, but the wording maybe isn't...exciting enough? I dunno. I'm horrid at these, so not sure how to help.
Ivoid (Danielle) - I like it, but wonder if the "killer cruise" part would be seen as campy. Or maybe the story *is* campy? If so, well done! 
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Joined: 4/27/2011
Posts: 6
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Here's my latest attempt at a hook:
Expect the unexpected when a gnome becomes a homestay guest for three months.
Thanks ever so much for this opportunity!
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Joined: 5/2/2011
Posts: 13
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My hook:
At 13, Helen meets the man she will one day love. He leaves and returns after a long seven years. Optimistic and determined, Helen resolves to one day live her dreams. Will she win her love?
The problem with this one (as I see it) is that the story is a historical romance, but the hook doesn't seem to convey this. We have a word limit here, so what else can I write?
I uploaded the book in BC- Helen.
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Joined: 4/2/2011
Posts: 3
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So here is my 'high concept':
Durham killed his abuser at the age of ten. As an adult and tired of pedophiles having free reign on innocent children, his fishing excursions are to die for. When the legal system is the monster, redemption doesn’t play nice.
Okay, what do you think?
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