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Joined: 2/27/2011
Posts: 9
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Fiction writing is quite personal and critique can be hard to take, especially if it comes from someone you love. I am always curious to know who shares their work-in-progress with their partner or spouse, and who would never dream of doing so! Is your writing something you prefer to keep separate from your relationship? Or do you value your romantic partner's feedback above all others?
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Hi Molly, this is a great topic and one I was discussing with a writer-friend just the other day. I share first drafts with my wife and vice versa. I do value her feedback tremendously, particularly in regard to clarity. It's easy for me to get caught up in the intricacies of my world(s) that I sometimes forget that various plot points/settings are not clear to others.
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Joined: 2/27/2011
Posts: 15
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I share with my sister, as she shares with me. Our tastes in books overlap enough that we can point out where things do or do not work, but are divergent enough (when you get down to specifics of why we like the genre) that its a different perspective.
I don't share with my S.O. only because our tastes are so radically different in terms of style and reading habits it would be akin to torture. The one time I did, for an extra credit project, he laughed at a plot device I used that's common
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Joined: 2/28/2011
Posts: 6
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My husband, Tom, helps me with my dialogue. I write Historical Romance, and when each chapter is drafted, I'll read it aloud to him. He'll ever-so-sweetly, say I must redo this or that because it's too long for a guy to say or sounds girlie, etc. So back I'll go to the drawing board and redo. His involvement helps me to keep my hero and heroine from sounding exactly the same.
Great discussion, Molly.
☺
Cindy
www.cindynord.com
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Joined: 2/27/2011
Posts: 3
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My husband does read all my books, and edits them, but the truth is that our writing styles (as lawyers, at least) are so similar that he can't really add a lot -- he mostly just finds typos or inconsistencies. Now that I'm writing YA, he's less likely to do the first read on a book, because YA is way out of his reading zone, and teenage girls and their emotions drive him nuts.
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Joined: 2/26/2011
Posts: 13
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GOD no. My husband doesn't read what I write, and I am thrilled. I am one of those people that gets frozen when anyone looks over their shoulder at the computer screen, so husband reading my books would not work for me. My sister and my mother both beta-read for me, though. 
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But your hubby does make you awesome trailers for your books, Jill! That's gotta say something  such a supportive sweetheart!
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No way would I share my writing with my husband. He's not a reader and such a negative person that I haven't even told him that I'm attempting to write a book. I think I'm too scared that he would tell me to stop wasting my time.
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Joined: 2/27/2011
Posts: 9
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I like the idea of a spouse or partner offering help with dialogue specifically -- it can be so difficult to create speech patterns that are different from one's own and believable if you are a man writing as a woman and vice versa. This actually leads to a Discussion topic that Colleen was mentioning to me the other day: Writing the Other.
Years ago I would give feedback to my ex-husband on his fiction and it was always a very sensitive delicate matter -- relieved that I don't have to do that
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Joined: 2/26/2011
Posts: 13
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Danielle, this is true! And I admit, when I paint myself into a corner plot-wise, I ask him for help in brainstorming. But I do think that if your spouse/SO does not read the same thing you do, they will never understand the target audience, and it can only lead to arguments. Plus, if you are not good at writing with a co-writer, like, say, cough cough me, their suggestions will not help you, and then spouse/SO will be hurt that you are ignoring their good suggestions. IMO do not leave open that
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Joined: 2/26/2011
Posts: 13
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FadeintoFantasy - that is a really hard spot to be in. You do need a spouse to support your writing, even if they don't agree with what you are writing. I hope it works out well for you, though I totally understand keeping the secret, too! I don't like to discuss what I'm working on with anyone until it's firmly in the 'project' stage and not the 'maybe' stage.
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Thanks Jill. I'm sure that he will support me if I ever get to the point where the idea starts to become reality, but until then, I'm keeping it under wraps.
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Joined: 3/7/2011
Posts: 1
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No and NO! My husband would find YA first person fiction from a teenage girl's perspective to be torture. If he rejected it, I would feel hurt and awkward about writing in the future. I think I'll stick with the crit group. I can avoid them when I need to lick my wounds!
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Joined: 3/7/2011
Posts: 13
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The problem I run into is my wife reads Historical Romance almost exclusively. I don't write for that genre so when I'm painting pictures of elves and magic, or robots and murder, or satire and satyr's... she sits around waiting for the dashing pirate-ninja-baron to crash through the window and rescue her.
In short - No.
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Joined: 3/4/2011
Posts: 58
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My husband and I have almost everything in common, and I'm fortunate that not only is he a writer as well, but he also reads in my genre. He's at the agent hunting stage and writes YA fantasy, and we're at about the same level skill-wise, though our strengths vary. I'm better with pacing, he's better with overall plot. We bounce ideas off each other and are very honest (yet constructive) in criticism.
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Joined: 3/2/2011
Posts: 2
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I asked my husband to beta read for me when I was about halfway through my first novel. He said he would. That was 3 years ago...I'm still waiting.
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Joined: 2/27/2011
Posts: 2
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I tend to bounce story ideas off my husband rather often; if I can actually hold his attention while yammering on, I know I've at least got the inkling of a good idea. He reads as I write, too, and I use him as a bit of a barometer to know which story ideas are working and which ones aren't. He's a total one-man cheerleading squad, but he gets more enthusiastic about some than others. He'll read pretty much anything I set to paper; I think the only time he refused was when I dabbled in hetero ro
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Joined: 3/7/2011
Posts: 2
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I laughed when I read the question. Its a great question- and I can't help myself from laughing, because my husband refuses to read anything unless its related to his work. I've asked him to read a chapter, a scene, or just a paragraph and he won't.
But he's extremely good at helping me come up with quick 1-liner stabs where I need them.
I wish my husband would read my work, but he's more stubborn than me!
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Joined: 3/10/2011
Posts: 11
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Sometimes. If I'm really excited about a scene, or if I've written something I think he'd enjoy, then I do, but as an overall work, no, unless I'm also ready to show it to betas.
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Joined: 3/3/2011
Posts: 68
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I'm very share-y with my writing, especially when I'm in the conceptual/development phase. It really helps me to talk through my ideas, as every time I do, it helps me refine what I'm going for (this is really good for developing my 'elevator pitch').
My girlfriend is very interested in and supportive of my writing. She's read my published short fiction and helped me with the novel I'm shopping (both typographical and editorial commentary). It's really fun to have her as an interested party in my work.
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Joined: 3/11/2011
Posts: 29
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What usually happens with me ... I will tell my husband my ideas, my concepts, the plots etc. I will vent to him about how this character is being snarky with me or this scene just won't flow well, but up until recently, he hasn't read more than my blog. Not because I keep him from it or because he isn't interested... just the way it's been.
I love it, though, that I can bounce things off of him and get feedback. I can brainstorm with him and he has this knack of putting into words thoughts that I can't wrangle. He's great for that. When he does read my work, he's good at dropping any bias or fear and treats me like any other author he reads.
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Joined: 3/12/2011
Posts: 10
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In a word...NO. I managed to write my entire novel, get a critique partner, seven beta readers, join a local critique group, do countless revisions, begin the query process, get submission requests and rejections without my husband even knowing I was working on anything. He's used to me being at my computer writing one thing or another, he even knew I'd joined the local critique group, but he assumed I was just going to critique other people's stuff. He never asked, so I never told him. I wasn't actively trying to keep it a secret---my desk is in our kitchen, which is literally in the middle of our house, and it's covered with stacks of page/chapters/notes. When I finally told him, he was surprised I'd actually completed a novel and begun to pursue representation, but not shocked, since he always knew I wrote. He wouldn't read my genre (women's fiction/contemporary romance) in a million years, so he hasn't asked to read my work, which is fine with me---he might not be too thrilled with my charming, witty, sexy male MC.
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Joined: 2/27/2011
Posts: 5
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My husband and I have done some co-writing together when we were working on a role playing game campaign staff together, and he is a great brainstorming partner, so I'm happy to trust him with whatever parts of my writing he's willing to read. He's helped me with galley proofing, too -- which was a great relief during a phase when I literally couldn't see the words on the page because I'd gone over them already so many times. We also choreograph most of my martial arts scenes together, because he (a black belt in kempo -- I'm a green stripe) has a much better sense for fight flow.
This question actually made me think, "Hey, he's behind on reading my stuff. I need to get him all caught up!" If he's interested in a story of mine and really wants to know what comes next, it's a great motivator for making progress.
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 51
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I share all my writing with my girlfriend, as not only is she a voracious reader, but she's also an English undergrad, which makes her a fantastic person to go to if you want some high-quality editing done in a short space of time.
I think it helps - they know you better than anyone else, and quite often have the ability to see the meaning behind a clunky sentence and suggest a constructive solution, rather than the inevitable backwash of question marks and sad faces in the margins.
She reads my blog, my short fiction, and my novel work whenever she can, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Her moral support is crucial to keeping me looking to the future, rather than constantly worrying about the here and now.
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 2
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My wife Kay and I share all our writing. We're both editors and co-edited our magazine together, so we're both pretty good at looking at each other's work objectively. We have no problem telling each other when something doesn't work or make sense, or is unnecessary and should be removed altogether.
We also recently co-wrote our first story, which we then successfully sold. We discovered that we each has strengths and weaknesses to our styles that complement each other well. For example, I don't take as much time with storybuilding as I should, while Kay tends to get lost in it; and I write realistic dialogue while Kay's tends to be a bit clunky. Our first co-writing experience was a very good one and we plan to do more in the future.
I will say that we had to learn over time how to do this - to be critical and take criticism from each other without taking it more personally than from other beta readers.we're at a good place now, but 2-3 years ago it was a lot more touchy.
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Joined: 3/12/2011
Posts: 40
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I don't show my first drafts to anyone. I don't have a critique partner for that reason, everyone I've met wanted to critique as you go and I just can't give my work away like that. My typos are mine. I'll fix my own spelling and grammer thank you. After I've done a rewrite and the embarrassing bits are gone, then I show it to my hubby. It's funny because I write erotica and paranormal and he doesn't read either. Gives him ideas sometimes.... He doesn't give me 'that's so awesome' feedback my friends do though, he'll tell me if something doesn't make sense, if there's a plot hole I didn't catch or if a character is acting like Hollywood wants them to not like a real person would really act in a particular situation. He's supportive as a critic, which is exactly what I need him to be. He was even kind enough to read a couple of paranormal and erotica novels to see whats 'out there.' Then he corrected them. LOL.
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 8
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I have learned that sharing my work with my husband is a minefield. I always ask his opinion and always let him read my work, but I don't like putting him in the position of having to tell me that something sucks. That kind of feedback leaks in to other parts of your life together if you aren't careful.
I have an amazing critique partner and a great circle of beta readers when needed and I leave the real criticism to them. I have placed my husband in the role of vocal supporter--he lets me know when something needs work, but we leave it at that.
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Joined: 3/11/2011
Posts: 4
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My wife beta-read the 'final' draft of my novel, as well as some short stories I've worked on.
She tends to focus on grammar and structure rather than content, and she had some good feedback. Our reading interests overlap some but not completely--I appreciate getting a different perspective, but I also am ok with ignoring feedback I feel doesn't really apply to the piece in question.
It can be a little tricky having someone you love critique your work (kind of a variation on the old 'how do I look in this' discussion) - you have to decide whether you want honest critique or unconditional love and support. Because it's not too often you get both...
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Joined: 3/11/2011
Posts: 4
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I'm not in a relationship now, but I asked my ex to read the opening of my rodeo suspense. He threw it down and said he didn't want to read that trash. Of course, he never read any of my horse racing stories either, so I'm not sure what that proves.
After that I kept my writing to myself except a close group of writing friends. I have been blessed with some very talented and supportive writers who aren't afraid to tell me something isn't working. They also point out the things that do, so I know when I'm on the right track.
If I decide to swim the shark-infested waters of relationships again, I think I will most likely keep my writing separate from my relationship unless he is someone who really knows writing. I don't see that happening.
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 412
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You know, I don't know. She knows where my writing is, but I don't know if she has actually read it. If so, she hasn't had any comments.
We have been working together on a few things, which gets interesting when we want to go different directions with a project. Especially a kid's series we are plotting out. I keep wanting to make it middle school level, she wants to keep it at the second to fourth grade level.
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Joined: 3/14/2011
Posts: 10
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Yes, I do share my writing with my husband, but only when it's in beta form so it's close to complete. He is incredibly helpful at verifying things like men behaving like men, or personal motivations (he has a psychology degree).
The first couple of times were a little touch and go because a) he wasn't sure he'd like what I write and b) he didn't want to hurt my feelings so was cautious about what he had to say. Once we worked through that, it's been great to have his input!
~Elaine
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Joined: 3/12/2011
Posts: 3
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My hubby isn't a reader at all! Not even magazines. So he hasn't read any of my stuff. But he is very supportive and my biggest fan. Silly man. How can he be my biggest fan when he doesn't even know if I suck major sour frog ass or not!? He actually tells people he works with, casual acquaintances and random strangers that I'm a writer. Totally puts me on the spot, cause you know what they ask next: What do you write?
*mumbles* vampires...romance...paranormal romance? *sigh*
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 2
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It is such an interesting question. My husband and I completely edited for each other on nonfiction almost daily when we ran the magazine, we've written songs together and we sing in a band together but for some reason, we can't seem to share our Fiction. We've both completed scripts. He has never read a script I wrote 7 years ago, although he knows everything about it and I would hear him talk about it to other people when I wasn't around. I did have him read a chapter or two of my Urban Fantasy and it was painful for us both, I could tell, so I'll tell him in general what it is about and he gives me an idea or two. He wrote a script I need to read and still haven't so over all...no, its just too awkward for some reason. I wish it wasn't and I don't really know why it is.
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Joined: 3/12/2011
Posts: 376
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I count on my wife for beta-reading. She doesn't like doing it, because she feels like she has to keep from being immersed in order to 'edit'. Of course, what I'm actually looking for her to do is to tell me when I've put something in that breaks immersion.
Which she does. In no uncertain terms. Which means I can go and fix it. Which makes my writing better.
So I'm happy when she does, even though she's hesitant to do so.
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 222
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I am in an interesting spot with my husband. He wants to see me published and enjoys pushing towards that goal....
... but he really has no interest in the actual process, and rather gets upset when it takes time. (Time where he wants to be doing other things than me writing!)
Now, granted, it gets better each time I make baby-step progress towards improving my writing, but there you have it.
I let him read something I was working on exactly once. I am going to let him read Trial by Fire, but not until it is super polished. He doesn't critique well, and his idea of feedback is, "Good", "Meh", or the classical "It is fine."
I am curious to see what his reaction is -- if he has a reaction at all.
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Joined: 3/15/2011
Posts: 13
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I'll admit that I don't tend to share the story during the writing process. I discuss general concepts and sometimes look for encouragement when struggling with a particular scene.
However, once a manuscript is polished up a bit, my wife does enjoy my reading the story to her, a chapter or two at a time. She doesn't read a ton herself, but this is a way she can share in the writing adventure, and she gives feedback on scenes and characters as we go. It's a fun way we connect.
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Joined: 3/14/2011
Posts: 49
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My husband is my primary beta reader for my fantasy and sci-fi stuff. He has no problems telling me if something needs work, and I have no problem hearing it (from him or anyone else). The only issue we've had with it is that right now he refuses to beta my first drafts for the series I'm working on, because he loves the series and doesn't want to see the rough stuff, especially if some of it might get changed. So he only reads it after I've done my own edits.
For my women's fiction stuff, if he wanted to read it, I'd have no problem with him doing so, but I don't push it on him 'cause I know it's not his thing.
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Joined: 3/14/2011
Posts: 8
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NO.
My hubby isn't a reader. If it doesn't have to do with building guitars then he won't read it.
That said, I often go to him for a man's perspective.
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Joined: 3/14/2011
Posts: 7
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My husband loves reading. He heard my first book, bit by bit, as I wrote it, but has never read the umpteen revisions I've done since then. He gets sections and tidbits of my writing, but hasn't read most things beginning to end.. He's very supportive and encouraging, but I'm not writing military and political history, so I'm way outside a lot of his preferred choices. He's generally available for consultation, although he'd probably say I reject a lot of his suggestions. (He's right about that.)
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Joined: 3/11/2011
Posts: 2
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My late husband wasn't much of a reader, but he was very supportive of my writing and just assumed it was brilliant. He did help me to get the college football scenes right and was good for bouncing ideas off of.
My daughter and mother are great beta readers. My daughter catches continunity errors and my mom finds typos. I rely on my crit group for plot, pacing, character arcs, and comma placement suggestions.
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Joined: 3/16/2011
Posts: 279
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My husband doesn't read my work. I'm happy with that since he doesn't like or understand the genre but he promises to see the movie if it ever comes out.
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Joined: 3/11/2011
Posts: 4
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I don't share my writing with my husband - he doesn't really have any interest in it, anyway. The most I've ever gotten out of him about it is that he doesn't want to read it in case he doesn't like it, because then I'd be upset with him. He doesn't seem to realise that that is exactly why I want people to read my stuff.
It doesn't matter though, because I share it with my Dad instead, who is an awesome critic 
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Joined: 3/11/2011
Posts: 4
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I don't share my writing with my husband - he doesn't really have any interest in it, anyway. The most I've ever gotten out of him about it is that he doesn't want to read it in case he doesn't like it, because then I'd be upset with him. He doesn't seem to realise that that is exactly why I want people to read my stuff.
It doesn't matter though, because I share it with my Dad instead, who is an awesome critic
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 3
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I value my husband's opinion greatly, both as a reader and an editor. That means he's not allowed to look at anything I'm working on when it is in its very early stages (my ego couldn't handle it) but I love when I can get his feedback on something when I think it's nearly done. Sadly, his schedule is so busy that's not always possible on all my work, but the bits he does get a chance to read and reply to definitely benefit from his involvement.
My daughter, sadly, doesn't have much interest in reading my work. That's kind of sad because she's the perfect audience for much of it, but *shrugs* whatcha gonna do? I think it's because of the whole 'Mom' thing. In fact, I've been tempted to sneak her one of my books/stories but with a different byline and see if she'd read it then.
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Joined: 3/17/2011
Posts: 6
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My husband doesn't even know I write. He has no idea I've a completed manuscript or an agent! I figure I'll tell him when it's published. It'll be a little surprise.
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 2
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Like a few of the other ladies, I don't share with my husband. He has no interest in my writing, and is definitely not a reader. His eyes glaze over when I talk about period history or plot layering, but you can't fault a guy who'll do the laundry to give you more time to write.
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My husband's support extends to making sure my laptop operates properly. He's not a big reader except for IT manuals and camera reviews.
My first book was cathartic and involved a lot of sorting out my feelings about my relationships. For that reason I'm somewhat glad he doesn't read my work.
In the beginning, he doled out plenty of emotional support, but now he just nods and pats me on the shoulder. I doubt he will really believe in me until he sees some dollar signs.
But that's okay. I believe in myself.
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Joined: 3/31/2011
Posts: 11
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My hisband describes himself as my alpha reader. I think he'd sulk if anyone else read my writing first.
He's an engineer and an awesome proofreader. I don't get much positive beyond "I like it" though, but he could pick a hole in a sheet of armour. He's also very proud of saving the life of a character in one of my novels. I had her slated to die in Chapter 2, but he wouldn't hear of it. She ended up being probably the most important character in the book.
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Joined: 4/1/2011
Posts: 4
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I share my writing with my husband to the point that if I were to die tomorrow, he could likely finish the book for me. He's great for just listening to me mull through plot issues or character quirks. He's the first one to call me out if something doesn't make sense.
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Joined: 3/31/2011
Posts: 3
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I share with my husband. He helps me solve narrative issues. However, he doesn't usually like to see my work until I have a complete draft. He doesn't like to give advice on unfinished work. I understand that and I'm cool with it.
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