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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 24
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I have been slowly putting my supernatural romance story up on this wonderful site (yes, a slight kiss-ass remark...don't judge).
LisaMarie had so kindly reviewed it (along with two amazing writers). I mention LisaMarie, though, because she had pointed something out that I had - originally - questioned.
So now I'm here hoping my fellow betafish will help me:
I tackle abuse in my novel. LisaMarie had said she personally couldn't connect with my MC, Amber, because Amber goes from feeling one thing to another without so much as a blink. I feel it was mostly a scene where Amber bounces from fearing her boyfriend to letting loose in a club with her girlfriend. See, the thing with Amber...she's delusional. She knows she's allowing someone to control her, but she also feels it's what she deserves. She even, at times, enjoys it (the fact that she doesn't have to worry about anything, basically. She has him to rely on. If she makes him happy, her life is happy. She sees it as a win-win situation if she just caves into her boyfriend, Adam.)
What I'm asking is...what could I possibly add or take away from her character? Or, perhaps, it isn't her character but that I go a little too strong with the abuse from the get-go. It isn't physical abuse. It's more a verbal, "let me keep her down" sort of thing. There is a scene where he bruises her and grips her a little too tight for comfort...so I suppose I could cut that out and keep it at him simply snapping out at her with his words...
Oh, my dear fellow betas, I'm so confused. I know Adam abuses Amber. But I also know Amber allows it because he's all she knows. But I'm also trying to show that she's trying to deal with her regular life as a college student. By doing that, I'm trying to make the verbal abuse come off as something "natural." Something that hurts her and something she knows is wrong, but also something that she deals with because Adam is "good" for her (gets along with the family, has a stable future, etc).
Would an extra scene work? Should I take out some internal dialogue? Or should I just scrap the abuse and make it so that she's just not happy with him (in a way, keeping it more lighthearted)? Though, there IS a reason why I have it as a vital character flaw in Adam. He's a huge threat when Amber comes to find she's meant to be with someone else - spiritually. So I'm relying on that abuse as a foreshadowing that Adam won't exactly let her go without some serious fighting.
I would really appreciate any feedback, please.  Thank you so much!
Best,
Natalie
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Joined: 3/14/2011
Posts: 80
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I haven't had a chance to read the work yet but will try to do so later.
What I might suggest, just by reading this thread is the following:
If she fears the boyfriend, she knows something is wrong. For her to pretend it doesn't happen or make light of it to be able to go on with life isn't an unusual thing, but there's got to be some kind of action in the middle. Maybe she downs a drink to help her forget and be more carefree. Maybe she stops down and gives herself an internal pep talk "He didn't mean it. I deserved that. Forget about it and party, be happy." etc. although, as someone who's experiences mental/verbal abuse for several years, it always kind of lingers in the back of your mind. Maybe one just puts on a happy face and pretends it doesn't matter as much as it should, but there's a difference between pretend and literally being 100% happy after such an incident.
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 412
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What MB said. As a domestic abuse victim as a kid, and my mother's main therapist after, and having done a LOT of research into the mechanics of emotional abuse and control... It's normal to her, but there has to be something that normalizes it. Shes being controlled against her will, there has to be SOMETHING that shows her will fighting but failing to fight. Otherwise, shes a brainwashed robot with no hope of recovery.
having the shakes now and then, repeating his words to herself, SOMETHING. there needs to be that moment between abuse and normal life where she makes the transition, makes it feel normal.
I don't envy you the challenge though! I'll read the story when i get a chance, and give some more detailed thoughts.
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 24
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Thank you both so much! I really appreciate the fact that both of you are willing to share that information with me (about your past). Really, that means a lot.
I am definitely setting my thinking hat back on: I'll be editing the first chapters (where Adam is a key role) and hopefully push that.
Again, thank you for the suggestions.
I love our betafish family.
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Joined: 3/12/2011
Posts: 376
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One thing I would say - if the story is (at least in part) about the abuse, don't cheapen it by just removing it. The value of the triumph is related to the depth of the tragedy.
I'll go on over and have a look ASAP and give you more detialed remarks in the critique, k?
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 24
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Oh thank you so much! That means the world to me.
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 412
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Having read it... the back and forth between controlled with him, normal with friends, seems normal. Its DISORIENTING, yes, but its supposed to be to someone that has never had that kind of mental dissonance. It does what it should, to me.
She seems a little too aware of the traps shes fallen into though. shes repeating a lot of the "after the fact" realizations that people have. It just kind of kills it to me, like shes reading from a text book on abuse, she KNOWS shes abused, but doesn't care. If that makes sense?
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 24
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Oh that makes perfect sense! Yeah, see, I felt like I was giving her too much awareness. But then I didn't wanna make her seem like such a dope...you know?
I am changing it all though. Not ALL of it, but I'm adding more paranormal and I'm adding a bit more of a, "Oh...wait...this is wrong. I know it is. Etc etc." Hopefully it'll help the story on both of my top weak spots. haha. Thank you so much, again!
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 412
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Oh, i hadn't gotten past the first chapter (most of my free time right now is involved in editing an anthology of webfiction that will go out soon. ) so I didn't realize that it was a paranormal romance, lol. Soon as i get a chance, I'll keep reading, I promise.
And yeah, one of the points of an abuse victim is they ARE dumb about it, they let their emotions cloud their judgment and prevent them from seeing what they should. When they are able to get past that and make the kinds of realizations she is making, they are able to finally break free of the abuse and get out. Otherwise, even if its pointed out to them, they refuse to believe that those stereo types refer to THEM. Emotional clouding and all that. Keep some of the lines, just use them later in the story. Put in more emotional blocking of those realizations in.
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Joined: 3/12/2011
Posts: 376
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@Natalie - I've started to read (RT Prep has had me crazy or I'd be done). I think I'll have some good suggestions to fix what has been noted without any *major* changes. Just small line level stuff. Give me a day or two, k? I'll try to read more in the airport today.
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 24
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Aw thank you so much! To all of you. I'm a patient betafish! I don't mind waiting. Also, it should be noted: I've "killed" Just Breathe for a bit. Only to clear up a few things and to up the paranormal. The way the story runs now it takes a lot longer to get there. So I'm going through it again and shifting a few scenes and epiphanies.
Amber - in the beginning - has also changed. A lot, actually. And her relationship with Adam is a bit more intense.
Again, though, I am happy to hear whatever y'all have to say!  Thank you all so much!
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Joined: 3/29/2011
Posts: 25
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Hey Natalie,
I haven't read it yet, but maybe it would help if you included what Amber likes about Adam? Or have her justify his actions to herself...to help the reader understand why she puts up with him. People who have never been abused have a hard time understanding what it's like, so adding a few touches that help explain Amber's thought process to the reader would be helpful. Am I even making any sense?
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 222
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I haven't read the story yet (but will add it to my critique list), but my initial thoughts are... on the surface, abuse victims do seem as normal as the rest of us. At least at first. There is a lot of normality there -- and their desperation to look as normal as possible. I think it depends on if your character is aware that what is happening to her ISN'T normal. You would have to carefully show us the differences in 'our' normality versus 'her' normality.
Or the reactions of those trying to reach out and help her. There are a lot of things that you can do with this, in my opinion.
I agree with CarrieM -- without the background of being abused, its hard to understand the hardships. You have the very difficult job of showing us what it might be like.
Good luck, I hope these somewhat random thoughts help.
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 24
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Oh thank you both! Like I said, I'm planning on stepping back from the story and see what I can do with Adam and Amber. Since it's a paranormal, I think I'm going to go for the paranormal. haha.
Thank you though! I really enjoy hearing what everyone has to say. And mostly everyone is telling me to try making the reader understand why she'd stay with him. As in, what are her excuses aside from some of the obvious?
Thank you again!
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Joined: 3/12/2011
Posts: 40
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It looks like you've added a few more chapters since I reviewed it, but since you're reworking it, I'll wait before looking again. to some extent the internet is our friend. Focus on what type of abuse you want to portray and see how victims or psychologists describe it. I love the research boards on the nanowrimo.org site because people chime in from so many different places, ages, ways of living and give first hand accounts of everything. It's a touchy subject though so I really wish you luck on doing it justice. Make some voices be heard.
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 24
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Thank you, Tori! It means so much to have such great support. Even more so, so many people willing to share their experiences and opinions with me.
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Joined: 3/16/2011
Posts: 214
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Hey, just catching up on this thread.
I think you have to let your character talk to you. You first have to know who she is before you write about her thoughts on abuse. My thoughts are that, given her circumstances, she wouldn’t recognize abuse. Many women don’t. They simply aren’t aware that this is an unhealthy dynamic, because they’ve lived with it all of their lives.
Conveying this to a mixed crowd is difficult, because there are always going to be people who don’t understand why she puts up with it. Or, like me, they’ve been in it before and immediately put the kibosh on that behavior with dispatch so it never happens again. I left without as much as a second thought and slapped on the TRO.
An on a more personal note, I recently had a friend tell me that her husband was verbally abusive. As long as I’ve known her, she’s always had very low self-esteem. I could never figure out why. Then she told me that her mother was emotionally abusive, and in fact, made her feel the same way that her husband does (or rather “did” – she finally decided to divorce him). I knew her mother. I never her mother act like that in front of other people. That’s another kicker about abuse is that as others have pointed out, others are fooled by appearances.
So you have to let your character explain why she’s putting up with this behavior – whether because she thinks that’s the way it’s supposed to be (saw dad treat mom the same way and thinks this is normal gets my vote) or for another reason. Only you know your character.
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 24
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Thank you Lisa. You were the first person who really opened my eyes to this conflict.
As I'm editing, I'm actually making it a bit more paranormal. I've given Adam a "power." (You guessed it, he literally has the power in controlling her.) She's aware of what's going on, but it's dragging her down. I think I lost that in my first draft: she wasn't so much upset as she was accepting of her situation. Well, now that's changed. She's envious of her friends, pissed off, she's full of all these dark emotions all due to Adam. And hopefully I'll be able to convey that through her in this revised copy.
Thank you again!
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Joined: 3/14/2011
Posts: 8
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My father was very abusive -- mostly verbal & emotional as well -- and one of his favorite tactics, which I understand is quite normal, is to isolate, to turn the victim against her friends or otherwise cut off any possible support system. In other words, if Tanya is her "best friend," it would make sense if he allows her to hang around Tanya if Adam somehow feels power over her, too.
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 24
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Oh goodness! Thank you. For, first, sharing that with us and for using your experiences to help me...that means a great deal to me.
Thank you so much. I'll definitely take that into consideration with my revisions.
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Joined: 3/16/2011
Posts: 214
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Here’s a weird little technique that I use. I do a Q & A with my characters. I ask them questions, as though I’m interviewing them for a news story and I let them respond to me. Sometimes I write this down; other times, I just imagine the conversations we’d have. For example, I was debating whether or not I should give my MC a pet:
Q: Okay, Sabrina. How do you feel about having a pet. Cat? Dog?
A: Oh, please, writer person. Look, it’s not that I don’t like cute furry little animals. But you do realize that you’ve given me an 80-hour work week, right? When am I going to have time to take care of a cat or dog? Give me a job as a manicurist, and you can give me three Irish setters, for all I care.
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 24
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Oh love that. Thank you! I'm going to try that out a bit.
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 412
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Nelizadrew has an excellent point there. That IS very common. However, their method of control is usually not the same as over the person they are abusing. For example, my father had manipulated one of my mother's friends into thinking that she had some mental problems that she was seeking counseling for. In concern over her and a desire to help, she called my father regularly and told him EVERYTHING my mom said and did when with her. She became the only person my mom was really allowed to hang out with away from him.
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Joined: 4/26/2011
Posts: 2
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Just a thought--having been raised in an extremely verbally demeaning home with a father whose verbal explosions were feared far & wide, I know that "letting loose" is a common occurence for abuse victims when they're out from under the thumb of their abusers.
However, there's a bit of desperation in the fun, as though they're trying to not only drown out reality but also that they're clutching the breathing space & "fun" with an iron grip while it's there, because they don't know how long they'll have it before they have to venture back into the abusive domain.
You might want to consider capturing that in her demeanor to add a touch of realism. Abuse follows its victims wherever they go & colors whatever they're doing. Best of luck.
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