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Joined: 3/4/2011
Posts: 58
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Contrary to what I hear from other authors, I love writing sex scenes. It's a great challenge to capture the ins and outs (heh) while still maintaining that emotional connection to the characters. And, of course, I want my sex scenes to stand out from all the others, so I always try to include something in mine that makes them different. Being a science fiction/fantasy writer, that isn't usually too hard. We have the advantage of sex in different environments, with different lifeforms, using magic to enhance pleasure, etc.
So, do you enjoy writing your sex scenes? And how do you make them stand out?
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Joined: 2/26/2011
Posts: 13
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I have to say that I really enjoy writing sex scenes - it allows me to play with emotional connections and banter, and, well, there's no more intense scene than a sex scene. I love when a scene is memorable, but memorable in a good way. When they bring in the goat, that's when I get worried, you know? But I think you make them stand out by focusing in on what makes your particular writing so great. If you're great at dialogue, you make your sex scene all about sexy dialogue, etc.
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Joined: 3/3/2011
Posts: 9
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test
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Joined: 3/3/2011
Posts: 9
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testing again
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I was super shy about writing sex scenes at first--they made me uncomfortable and blush, even if I was in the room alone haha But the more of them I wrote, the more fun I had with them! And now I love it. It's very freeing and provides you with so many different levels on which to express emotion, or lack thereof!
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Joined: 3/4/2011
Posts: 58
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Heh, gotta be careful where you write them, though. Being alone is probably a good plan. Sitting in Starbucks, probably not the best location to write one.
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Joined: 3/11/2011
Posts: 156
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I write erotic romance so it's a good thing I enjoy writing the sex scenes. I do have to be in the mood a bit for them. Which actually can come down to the right location. They are sometimes hard to focus on when I'm at the local coffee shop with fellow writers -- all chattering away.
But my favorite sex writing story was when I decided to try the speech to text feature in MS Vista. I wanted to see if "talking" the story made writing faster. But you have to train the speech to text program and it seemed to have problems with my soft voice or Southern accent. But I realized one afternoon I was sitting in the back garden with a cup of tea and speaking firmly to the computer "Spell it C--O--C--" Then I heard the neighbor's back door open.
The moral of the story is -- don't train you speech to text program to recognize erotic words in the back garden if they neighbors can hear.
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Joined: 3/12/2011
Posts: 10
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Getting to know the characters inside and out (ha) is one of my favorite parts of both reading and writing, so fade-to-black sex scenes (particularly in books where there's been extensive build-up and sexual tension) are one of my biggest pet peeves. Luckily I enjoy writing sex scenes and have no difficulty do so.
It's very important to me that sex scenes have meaning in terms of character development---both the individual characters and the progression of the relationship. Humans are sexual creatures, and when characters share intimate physical moments it can say a lot about them and allow the reader to get to know them on a more emotional (and certainly more personal) level.
I think it's crucial for sex scenes to be realistic and to convey feelings, even if they're not always good feelings. There are all kinds of sex scenes---first time together, love-struck, pity sex, make-up sex, manipulative sex, mind-blowing sex, awful sex, obligation sex.... As long as the scene stays true to your characters and lets us know something new about them or experience something along with them, I don't think it needs to do anything unique or outlandish to stand out---it will stand out because it's significant to the story.
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Joined: 3/12/2011
Posts: 10
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Forgot to add... I met my critique partner, who I'd be lost without, on a similar discussion thread a year ago. I can't even express how important it is to find a critique partner (or at least a reader) who will be honest with you about your sex scenes and who is comfortable with reading the level of "heat" that you write. I'd name her, but she's going to be a beta here too, so I'll let her "out" herself when she logs on for the first time. 
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Joined: 2/27/2011
Posts: 11
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I think the key to writing sex scenes is that they be integral to the story you're telling. I started out writing erotic romance and erotica, and it does get easier, in one sense, the more that you write. I still enjoy writing erotica and I've been told I'm good at it, but when it comes to romance, I'm noticing my sensibilities prefer to tone it down a bit. My current wip that's up here, doesn't have any sex scenes because they weren't appropriate to the story. There's a few making out scenes, but that's it. Kind of like Jill said earlier, watch out "when they bring in the goat". Is your sex scene the equivalent of that (sensation for sensation's sake?) or is it integral to and advance the story/characterization?
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 102
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I'm a "dreader". In fact I still haven't written the first sex scene in my current WIP. Many of my reasons come down to what's already been stated.
It's hard for me to find the right balance for my intended reader. The scene I like to read, or write, may not be appropriate to the current story so how do I find a compromise?
I think part of my problem, for this story in particular, goes back to what Karen was saying. My trusted reader, who isn't my main critique partner, wouldn't otherwise be my expected reader. And my main critique partner and I are still in a fairly new relationship. I not yet sure we're comfortable enough with one another to trade critiques for a sex scene. Perhaps it's time for me to just take that chance with her.
And what if the sex is bad? How can I make the scene satisfying for the reader when it's not satisfying for the character?
I also believe that the setting you write a scene in is important to how it will come out on the page, sex scene or not. I try to write each scene in an atmosphere with appropriate energy for what I'm trying to convey. For this reason, I don't write hot sex scenes while hiding out by myself. I tend to write those in an environment rife with sexual tension, like in a club. An awkward scene is generally written in my local mall. I write romantic scenes somewhere romantic. Perhaps I've mastered the ability to "blend into the background" but I've yet to see anyone notice, let alone gawk at, me while I wrote sex scenes in public.
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Joined: 3/12/2011
Posts: 10
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Marcie:
A scene that involves unsatisfying (or worse, upsetting) sex for the characters needs to satisfy readers, but not as a "sex scene". In other words readers need to experience the emotional impact of the less-than-stellar sexual encounter. They need to experience it through your characters. It shouldn't leave them with an afterglow any more than it leaves your characters with one. Focus on the feelings and sensations. Was it just bad timing? One character not in the mood? Are they incompatible? Does this reflect bigger problems in the relationship or was it just an off night? Is one character more into it than the other? Is the problem power? Inexperience? Anger? Poor skills? As long as the reader takes away more intimate knowledge of the characters and their relationship, the scene can still be quite "satisfying" as a read. Hope that helps.
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 8
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First off, officially "outing" myself as Karen's critique partner, the other Karen, and yes, we met because we had a similar issue with writing sex scenes and more specifically, receiving feedback about sex scenes.
I love writing sex scenes. I write the kind of sex scenes that I want to read and I very rarely find in books. I don't like the big build-up with the fade to black. I like heat and I like to know what's happening, but I don't need to know where every single body part is at every moment. We're not playing Twister. I also have a very hard time with certain words...anything that throbs. Just my personal preference. I won't go into more detail here.
I think there has to be an element of realism, whether it's dialogue that has nothing to do with sex, ("Honey, did you remember to take out the trash?"), or some awkward moment (They both looked down at she unzipped his pants and their foreheads collided)), etc. But, I also like a book as an escape, so I want that one moment of pure "Hollywood" sex, where she is a goddess and he is enough to make any woman swoon (or she and she, or he and he, or whatever). There also has to be more than one speed--a sex scene that's boiling over from every aspect at every moment, is well, a bit monotone.
As the other Karen so adeptly pointed out, the real goal with a sex scene is to show us the state of the relationship--is everybody on the same page? Is one person way more into it than the other? What does it tell us about where the relationship is going? How do these people feel about themselves? Is this about love or is there something else at play? Lust? Revenge? Boredom?
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 412
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I've written a total of two sex scenes in real work so far (I used to write the occasional fan fic), and I enjoy it. The one issue I ran into was that the first sex scene I ever wrote was a lesbian sex scene, and I am very much a guy. So, after writing it, I had a few lesbian friends read it and tell me what I was doing wrong. While I did revise it a bit, I was complimented by all three that if I hadn't told them I had written it, they would have sworn it was written by a woman. So that felt good!
I agree that any sex scene needs to serve the plot though! My current WIP has some explicit sex scenes, because they serve the plot. It also has a couple of fade to blacks, because there's nothing important to show, other than, they banged. Describing that would be pornography, not erotica. (nothing wrong with that, just not the focus of my current work).
The one thing I dislike is that so far all of my works with sex in them have been in third person. I do have a few works in first person, I'm really looking forward to writing a first person sex scene.
Karen,
(They both looked down at she unzipped his pants and their foreheads collided))
Can I use that? I'll rewrite it of course, but that action makes me laugh, and i want to use it!
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Joined: 3/14/2011
Posts: 3
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Hello!
I got a little drunk before writing my very first sex scene. It sort of helped. I felt less embarrassed.
Now I love really getting into one (coughs) and trying to make it different. I admit to having a love for ones in the rain. I don't know why, I just love writing a water sex scene.
xx
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 8
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Alexander,
Thanks for that--I already used that particular incident in a novella I wrote last year. Of course, I don't exactly hold the copyright on coital colliding foreheads.
MAStacie,
ha--no matter what, somebody ends up having sex in a body of water at some point in everything I write
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Joined: 3/14/2011
Posts: 3
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So pleased I'm not alone with the water lovin', Karen!
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 412
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coital colliding foreheads
That would be an awesome name for a punk rock band. Just sayin'
As for the rain sex and body of water, I need to start reading your guys' stuff, I think!
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Joined: 3/12/2011
Posts: 376
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I agree with the sentiment that the sex must propel the story in some way.
I've never really dreaded writing sex scenes, but I have had issues with them one way or another. Although the first full-length sci-fi I wrote had a lot of 'fade to black' or 'in the background' sex, the sex itself didn't do anything for the plot, so most of it was either behind the scenes or, in one notable case, the background to a conversation that was taking place.
I didn't get any complaints about that, but I *did* get quite a few complaints about the first graphic sex scene I wrote. I realized why after the fact, but I'm still trying to figure out how to fix it. As Marcie mentioned earlier, sometimes the sex is bad. The sex, in this case, was emotionally charged, but bad, then became good but emotionally neutral. Hence, overall not-very-good sex. It left the readers dissatisfied.
Since then I've written a few more, and gotten gradually better responses, for a value of 'better' that equals 'readers responding the way I intended them to'.
As for 'making them stand out'... Um... Oh, jeez. I've written sex in pitch blackness with a telepathic voyeur, sex with foreplay starting outside an airlock, sex in a morgue autopsy room, and sex between anthropomorphic personifications of literary genres. In the queue to be written are one, possibly two different scenes involving characters with no fixed gender.
I think the most 'normal' sex I've written was an interrupted elevator sex scene where one of the two can teleport and change clothes while doing so. So yeah... 'standing out' isn't really my big hurdle.
In all seriousness though, I agree with the idea that if the scene fits in the story, it will stand out because the novel itself stands out. It will be 'The earlier scene in What Not to Fear', not 'The interrupted elevator sex scene'.
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Joined: 3/14/2011
Posts: 80
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I..am not so much a fan. As a YA writer, many of my characters are pretty inexperienced so it's more about the first kiss, the first touch, etc. I did have to write a rape scene for one of my stories and even though things were alluded to rather than going into detail, I had a really hard time writing it. I guess I'm concerned that if I go into detail, things are going to sound cheesy. I give you guys who can write a sex scene well a lot of credit! 
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 8
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Some excellent points made with those last two posts--writing sex scenes (or choosing to not write them) goes beyond what you're comfortable writing. You have to think about your audience and what they will be comfortable reading. (Not to say it's our job to make the reader comfortable, sometimes it's our job to make them wholly uncomfortable.)
MB, I applaud you for taking on a rape scene. I don't know if I could do that. I wonder if that ends up becoming a scene that's more about control and vulnerability than actual sex. Sounds like you made the right call in terms of your audience and general taste to keep things vague. I wrote one scene where one of my characters got a bit too rough with romantic overtures, but that didn't end up being about sex at all...it was all about him being frustrated and her finally realizing that he didn't deserve to be on a pedestal.
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Joined: 3/16/2011
Posts: 214
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I write contemporary romance, so sex scenes are a must.
These were the very last scenes that I wrote. Literally. My m.s. flowed up to a certain point, after which I’d type in bold:
(yick)
(more yick)
(serious yick)
Yes, even for kisses. ☺
For me, it was vital for the sex to make sense, given the context. What I particularly loathe reading in romance novels (or fiction of any kind) are scenes in which the characters simply capitulate to intimacy without contemplating the outcome -- in other words, it feels gratuitous. Or, when they’re making love with someone for the first time and they don’t experience that small fear. Because sex is powerfully, scary stuff, especially on the first go ‘round.
The way I worked around this was to pay close attention to the interaction between the characters just prior to the scene itself. Why have they chosen each other? What’s driving that train? In my m.s., my female protagonist knows that she’s physically attracted to the male protagonist. The first sex scene was borne out of her need for a catharsis to cope with something entirely unrelated – and this really great sex is something that she has doubts about the morning after, because she’s absolutely not ready (emotionally) to invest more of herself.
I look forward to hearing more opinions on this topic. This is a fascinating topic. ☺
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 412
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Oh, jeez. I've written sex in pitch blackness with a telepathic voyeur, sex with foreplay starting outside an airlock, sex in a morgue autopsy room, and sex between anthropomorphic personifications of literary genres
So.... you're pretty vanilla with your sex scenes, is what you're saying?  Just kidding!
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Joined: 3/16/2011
Posts: 279
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Sex scenes give me hives. I think I'm blushing just thinking about writing one. Of course because I'm getting rather phobic about it I'm going to write a romance.
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Joined: 3/16/2011
Posts: 214
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@Ivoidwarrenties, I feel ya! I really do. Don't drink caffeine before you write sex scenes. Your palms will sweat too much, LOL!
Sex scenes take serious concentration. Because really, the way the characters approach sex -- what they enjoy -- is going to be largely dependent on what the writer finds subjectively enjoyable. That might not always float everybody's boat. I recently read a romance/suspense in which the female protagonist gave the male protagonist oral sex in a deserted parking lot -- I thought it was really well done. Tres *hot.* But for a lot of women, oral sex is just plain "Ew!" At least, most of the women I personally know. That would not have worked for them. 
Another reason why I think sex scenes are so difficult to write is that this is an activity in which one's executive-level functioning shuts off. It's all about conjuring up feelings and sensations from the voracious, delirious reptilian brain; using words like "want," "desire" and "crave" sound rather pedantic. (Heck, I *crave* a piece of chocolate cake!) Sex scenes have a limited lexicon, unless you want to get way out there with the metaphors and poetic license a la Anais Nin, which doesn't really work in contemporary novels.
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Joined: 3/17/2011
Posts: 3
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It's been interesting to read all of this opinions on sex scenes. I will admit it, I am a fade-to-black writer. But, since I write contemporary romance I am really trying to focus more on writing full sex scenes... or at least more of a sex scene. A couple people mentioned they didn't like writing them at first, but then they grew to love it... I hope I get there! (Maybe when I can find time to write without a 1 year old at my feet!)
Also, I don't mind reading a romance that shuts the door on the sex scene, as long as I still get to see the ramifications of the act in the characters emotions and actions afterwards.. and sometimes before hand. Like LisaMarie mentioned, the contemplating the outcome, the being scared part before actually having sex. To me, as a reader and writer, that's the big important stuff.
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Joined: 3/14/2011
Posts: 80
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Karen,
The rape scene I wrote was a major part to the plot line but it didn't happen to the main character. He walked in when it was going on and it was definitely more about the violence of it that the sex..and it was violence that spurred violence. Powerful, but without it happening you wouldn't know why the character is in the situation he is and why he does what he does.
I think it's a talent to be able to write a realistic powerful sex scene that doesn't come off as cheesy (unless of course that's what you were going for) but I also think it's a talent for those who can write a good build up and put everything in motion, but then leave it for the reader's imagination. It's foreplay, ya know?
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 412
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MB, ALL rape is about violence, not sex. Sex is simply the tool of the violence, like a pipe , or a gun, or a knife.
On the YA "sex "ie, kissing scene, those can be just as difficult, if not more so, because its safe to assume most people reading a romance novel have gotten laid. (not all, but most). A lot of the YA crowd reading the teen romances HAVEN'T had their first serious kiss or done any heavy petting, so you have to describe color to a blind man. A lot more challenging.
LisaMarie, agreed, sex is so much a hindbrain activity, it makes being technical about it hard. But then, any kind of writing about emotions is hard, and if you take the emotion out of it, it becomes a description of a mechanical process, not sexy at all. And I think that's where a lot of bad sex scenes fail, they don't portray the emotional aspect.
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Joined: 3/12/2011
Posts: 376
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@MB, Karen - Alexander is right about this one: a sex scene and a rape scene have some technical similarities, but they're really *NOT* the same thing at all.
When I write a sex scene, I'm worried about a few things; does the scene drive the plot in some way? does the scene illustrate or develop the characters in some way? will my audience think the scene is appropriately hot? Not hot enough and it's boring and mechanical. Too hot and it stands out too much.
Lisa's very correct about sex scenes being subjective. What's amusing is that three different women gave me three different opinions on my latest scene, running the gamut from 'boring' to 'whoa, hot!', and the one male beta reader who ventured an opinion rated it as 'enough to get my pulse going, but not hardcore'. I'm really proud of how much better this scene is than the first one I wrote, which failed in exactly the way Alexander described.
Rape scenes on the other hand... OK, let me put it this way. I'm hesitant when writing sex, because so many things can go wrong, and the mental images I'm putting on the page are *ahem* distracting. Violent scenes I'm pretty comfortable with, I'm just trying to make sure all the mechanics work, and that the scene is exciting (since violence in my books usually means action / fighting).
Rape scenes are torture to write.
Which, personally, I think might be a good thing. I've written three of them. One is 'off-screen', and the categorization of the act as 'rape' is ambiguous, which is one of the sources of conflict between the two characters involved. The second and third were from a different book. The second is on-screen, but the POV character is delerious, which means the reader *might* miss what has happened. The third is between the same two characters as the second, and is pretty graphic. I wrestled with it for nearly six weeks before I broke down and wrote it. I wanted it to be less painful, but any less painful of a scene wouldn't work for the plot and felt like it cheapened things.
I got *exactly* the response I was going for from my beta readers. I beleive one of them called it 'abhorrent'. At the same time, none of them saw another way to advance the plot the way it advanced. To this day I still am ambiguous about it; I'm proud of the technical accomplishment, but I still feel slimy, even a little injured when I think about it.
So yeah. Rape Scenes are harder than Sex Scenes, and the two really aren't the same thing at all, despite the similarity.
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 412
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Robert, I'm curious. Did you feel bad about doing that to the character? Any anthropomorphic guilt?
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Joined: 3/16/2011
Posts: 214
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@Alexander
“LisaMarie, agreed, sex is so much a hindbrain activity, it makes being technical about it hard. But then, any kind of writing about emotions is hard, and if you take the emotion out of it, it becomes a description of a mechanical process, not sexy at all. And I think that's where a lot of bad sex scenes fail, they don't portray the emotional aspect.”
Amen to that!
I got together with a group of female friends – all romance/women’s lit readers -- to get their input about how writers can make physical intimacy between characters in novels unique. And it ended up being a discussion about how it’s almost impossible to describe it in a way that incorporates emotion and thoughts -- AND a description of the physical act. I came away from it with more questions than answers.
I mean, really, if a female character is thinking, “ZOMG, this guy is so wonderful-awesome, I want to introduce him to all my friends and family” during the throes of passion, she ain’t doing it right.
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Joined: 3/17/2011
Posts: 88
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Hi all,
I have yet to write a happy sex scene in a completed story. The characters in my stories have tended to have a lot of trouble in that area of their lives. One story I've written would definitely have a happy sex scene if I were to write a sequel.
My favorite sex scenes in literature and movies are the ones where I can feel happy for the folks who are having the sex, y'know? Sex scenes where I feel a little uncomfortable eavesdropping on the happy couple. A lot of the sex in Pillars of the Earth was like that for me. Those people went through absolute hell and then they'd be having some nice, loving sex for a change and I'd be soooo happy for them.
And there's a sex scene coming up in my WIP, but it doesn't promise to be too fun either. It's between a therapist and her patient whom she's betraying, big time, even as we speak. So, the sex is gonna be "normal," meaning: we're gonna ignore the various flags of red and yellow that pop up over the course its duration (not the least of which is that whole patient/therapist thing). Sad. One thing, of course, is that the story's written in the 1st person, so a blow by blow description of the act wouldn't be appropriate unless my MC were, y'know, some American Psycho knock-off.
@Alexander & Rob, I understand the point you're making about violence and sex in rape, but I'd just like to say that the really, truly nasty thing about rape is that the sex and the violence are happening at the same time. This "it's about violence, not sex" meme is good politics and arguably true looking at the perpetrator, but the experience of the victim is of having this terrible violence taking place where only sex is supposed to be going on. For the victim, it's a lot about sex. Not in a good way, of course. So, for the victim, the two issues can become REALLY intertwined, difficult to differentiate and at times indistinguishable. I wish it weren't so, that the experience of being raped wasn't utterly confusing and deranging, that one always knew who the good guys and the bad guys were, but, sadly, it just ain't so.
-Kevin
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Joined: 3/12/2011
Posts: 376
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@Alexander - Yeah, yeah I did. The character was originally a 'supporting cast' character, but by the time of that scene had become a fully fleshed out three dimensional main character. Doing that to her was painful. Oddly, I felt more guilt *before* I wrote the scene than after. Part of that might be the nature of the scene, which is tragedy setting the stage for pyrrhic victory.
@Kevin - Agreed. One reason why rape is so devastating is the juxtaposition of intimacy and violation.
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Joined: 3/4/2011
Posts: 58
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Wow, I go away for a few days and this thread explodes! Cool!
I was intrigued by one person's comment about the subjectivity of sex scenes--that what makes one reader hot is a total turnoff for another. I'm one of those women who is not big on reading female to male oral sex, however, reading one of those scenes can still get my pulse racing, if I am totally drawn in to how much the guy is enjoying it (and how much the woman enjoys making him enjoy it). While we may not all like the same foreplay or positions, I think most people can agree that we like feeling pleasure and creating pleasure for a partner. If a writer can tap into those things, it likely doesn't matter much if you like the particular type of sex.
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 412
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Lisamarie, I take that as a challenge!
kevin, good point.
Ellie, very very good point. As an ex of mine is wont to say, the most powerful sex organ in the body is the brain. I have certain things I'm not into that, if my partner IS into, I'll be into just because of the pleasure they are feeling.
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Joined: 3/30/2011
Posts: 9
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Sex scenes are a huge, huge challenge for me. I never seem to reach that delicate balance between intimacy and porn. And I try. So my solution lately, has been to keep sex to a minimum. In one of my current WIPs the MC is a teenage girl. While she talks about sex, and it's clear she isn't a virgin, she isn't having at the moment. The only sex that has taken place so far, was off camera between two other characters. The only reason she noticed is that they ran out of a bedroom naked.
The other book I'm working on is a romance novel, I plan on making sex integral to the plot. But I am so intimidated by the notion of having to write not one, but several sex scenes that I've barely written anything at all.
My hat goes off to those of you who can enjoy it! I REALLY hope to learn something from you. lol
@Alexander, I've read those sex scenes of yours, and they are really good. I love that they further the plot and are um...."stupendously hot"
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 412
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Why thank you Cass! More "hot" scenes, and one that is rather... "steamy", coming up.
(For those curious at the quotes, the story in question is a paranormal thriller, where several of the characters have strange elemental powers. In one scene, the two lovely ladies knocking boots literally turned into balls of sentient flame during orgasm. )
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Joined: 3/16/2011
Posts: 214
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And because we just cannot get enough about teh s-e-x in this thread, I blogged about writing the "yick" here:
http://novelnatterings.com/?p=108
Names were not mentioned to protect all of us innocents.
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Joined: 3/30/2011
Posts: 6
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I am so loving this topic. Actually took notes. Kudos to all the great suggestion on how to make a sex scene better and important to the plot. That’s what I struggle with. I have a good feel for the when and where to put in a hot steamy sex scene, but just how do you make it important enough that the plot can’t move on without it?
I love to write sex. It’s the getting them to the bed or whatever that can slow me down. Then I have to go back and try to find better words for the actual ins and outs, back and forths, etc. I mean just how many ways can you say he thrust inside…
I also loved the mention by someone about don’t forget to add the emotional fear of the first time. I hate it when two people are having sex for the first time, and she just calmly sheds her clothes without a thought to her thighs and such. And if she is a virgin, she has to feel first time fear. Great point! Kudos to whoever put this in my head.
And to the person who said their foreheads collided, priceless. I’m still giggling.
I have a question that I should know the answer to. What is the difference between erotica and erotic romance? Doesn’t need to be a line etched in stone, but a few differences to help me along.
Sherry
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Joined: 4/3/2011
Posts: 20
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Sherry -
I tend to think the difference between erotica and erotic romance is the romance. If the point of the story is to bring the couple from apart to together, the emotional journey from two to one, and there happens to be intimately described hot sex along the way, then it's erotic romance. If the point is a sexual journey, where a couple just happens to end up together, it's erotica.
Of course, that's just my conception and I've certainly seen things that I thought were erotica advertised as "erotic romance."
Personally, I don't like reading either much. I enjoy sensual romances, even steamy one, but when there's just all kinds of sexual exploration, I cease to care. A friend of mine said about one erotic romance that she accidentally download that when she skipped the sex it took her only 28 minutes to read the whole book. That's...not a romance in my book!
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 412
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to me, the difference is the difference between an r rated movie, and, say, skinimax (the ma shows on cinemax, its what my wife calls them). To me, once you get to that level of graphic detail, its erotica. Then again, I know people that consider skinimax writing erotic romance, and xxx movies erotica. to each their own.
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Joined: 4/26/2011
Posts: 4
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I remember when I saw my first erotic movie. It looked like fat bouncing in a frying pan. It was not entertaining at all. I am also religious. On the other hand, if it helps with the story line I will take it right to my religious limits. As playboy magazine found out early, naked people are not as erotic as semi-clad people.
From this, it adds greatly to my story line, and helps to show my characters as real people with real feelings. With that in mind, up to that limit, I have no problems making my novels hot and steamy.
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Joined: 4/26/2011
Posts: 4
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It seems to me that a sex scene is, in many ways, like any other scene in a book. Every scene is important and should be written as well as it can be. True, the sex scene often comes at a critical time in the plot, but the same care in crafting is called for as in any other scene.
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Joined: 4/26/2011
Posts: 54
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I find sex scenes daunting, as it's so hard to avoid the cliches. But as many have pointed out, when you craft it specifically for your characters, it can work.
One way that works for me, is to write the scene as I imagine it, cliches and all, and then to go back and systematically remove the cliches and replace them with something more original. Luckily I write humor, so I don't have to take my sex scenes too seriously.
Annabelle
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Joined: 3/7/2011
Posts: 15
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I adore writing them. That's where my stories start. My stuff isn't sensational and gratuitous, at least I don't think so, but it IS getting more and more difficult coming up with ways to mention lady parts and danglers. Rod, maleness, staff, manhood, manroot...thost make me laugh. Maleness is the least offensive.
For lady parts, there are only os many times you can write "nub of her desire."
Am I right?
But anyway, my stories start with scenes, and if I'm in a particular mood, hot a sex scene I can guarantee will be written in one sitting. I already kind of know the characters, and thal's where I start. I'll be embarrassed about the people I know reading them, but SOMEONE needs to.
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Joined: 5/7/2011
Posts: 35
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Yes...I enjoy writing sex scenes; heart-pounding, passionate, and where approprate...violent. Placed in the right spots with the right characters can really add some flavor to your work.
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Joined: 3/4/2011
Posts: 10
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I've tried my hand at sex scenes once or twice. After a few attempts and reading the work of others, I have to agree with Randy and Marie. Like any other scene in the book, a sex scene can teach a reader quite a bit about a character. It's great to keep the reader going and interested with a little titillation, but the best sex scenes are just like the best action scenes and the best exchanges of dialog: They show the reader the true nature of the characters in play and build the story in an ever-growing journey towards its climax.
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Joined: 6/22/2011
Posts: 1
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I am more of the fade to black kind of writer. I have read a lot of books with sex scenes in them and some were done very good, others I didn’t like. Sex scenes are a lot like opinions, everybody has one and they are mostly different. I hate to be writing about a relationship and get to the sex scene and lose the reader because my version of the sex scene didn’t fit with what the reader wanted.
I figure that most people read about the same way I do and they think about what they read later. Most readers are thinkers, if not they would be watching TV. Since most people are different and see things in different lights I write to that end. I lay out the best lead-in I can to a situation and then let the reader’s imagination take over. No way can I write a sex scene to please everybody so I just set it up and let the readers own imagination supply the details. That way it’s sexy for everybody
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For women who think sex is dirty, every sex scene is a rape scene. When asked if sex was dirty, Woody Allen, replied, "It is if it's any good."
Nature designed sex to be enjoyable in order to keep humanity from going extinct. Sex performed simply for procreation would never sustain a viable population level. The Catholic religion, with which I've had unfortunate encounters, viewed all sex performed expressly for pleasure as mortal sin. When I was confined in the orphanage and compelled to spill the beans weekly in the confessional booth, the only mortal sins routinely confessed, assuming I had not strangled some sadistic nun or kicked a predatory priest in the nuts, were of self-abuse (masturbation) and impure thoughts. While not condoned, these activities were reasonably tolerated and given a penance appropriate to venial sin. Excessive masturbation, on the order of Alexander Portnoy, transcended the venial category, adjudged not only as mortal sin but considered an alarming psychic disorder tantamount to Portnoy fucking the family dinner (a lovely roast set out to cool by his mother). Those boys-- virtually all of us-- who spanked the monkey with Portnoy-like fury, say twice a day, or fourteen times a week, learned early on in their Onanic Odyssey never to confess more than three transgressions, a reasonable number accepted by the priests, still in the venial bracket and not regarded as mental aberration. Sex with another boy, however, was never confessed, it being a transgression that eviscerated the vowel of silence of the confessional booth and punishable not with Hail Marys, Our Fathers, nor praying the rosary and visiting the Stations of the Cross, but with expulsion to a horrible place called Thorn Hill, where boys were routinely sexually abused by priests and older boys.
The point of this exposition is to affirm that the Catholic Church's repressed attitudes to the enjoyment of sex never hindered me from indulging in libidinous pleasures. Reading authors like Henry Miller, Anais Nin, Erica Jong and Frank Harris liberated me from hesitation about writing sexual scenes. Once sex is accepted as a normal form of human activity, the subject can be embraced with unbridled alacrity.
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"Vowel of silence," as opposed to a "consonant of pandemonium." Then, of course, there's the "vow of silence."
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