With grace and dignity! 

And yet this is much easier said than done. Workshopping your writing -- whether in a creative writing class or an online space such as Book Country -- is a gargantuan step toward improving your craft and training for the eventuality of Amazon and Goodreads reviews (if publishing is your goal). 

Many writers on Book Country are inured to the process of giving and receiving (harsh) feedback, but perhaps this thread can  be a support group for the members who are new to writing and are just learning to share their work with others. Seasoned members should feel free to share insight and advice. 

Please stay away from comments about individual reviews and whether they are fair or not as this will not be helpful to the majority of the community members in the thread who want to become better at accepting and interpreting feedback.

Best,

Nevena

Book Country coordinator

--edited by Nevena Georgieva on 3/24/2014, 9:30 AM--

Well, I can't help but start this with an inspiring quote from member Isabell (imawake), who's on the blog today: 

When the agent rejections from my first novel poured in (there were well over 300 of them, so I took a hearty dose of bashing), I told myself that I had to change my thinking and develop a tough skin. Writers lay themselves bare for the world and it does feel very personal when we get criticized. So my advice is to go on Amazon and choose a book that’s on the NY Times bestseller list. FIFTY SHADES OF GRAY garnered thousands of negative 1-star reviews. Do you think the author is quivering in a corner because 6,000 people hate her book? No, because she still snagged a five million dollar movie contract for writing about kinky sex! For every best-selling book on Amazon, there are plenty of scathing comments. It just proves that we all have different tastes, and a book that deeply affects one person will strike another as a piece of crap. It isn’t our job (nor is it possible) to please everyone. It’s our job to write the stories that come through us, and to tell them as well as we can. That’s why Book Country is such a godsend. It’s amazing how well we can spot the mistakes in someone else’s writing but quickly become blind to a lot of our own. If we want to improve we need the objective views of others. I’m so grateful to have met some of the kindest people on this site. I think harsh feedback always has a nugget of truth to it, but I still weigh it against my own intuition. It’s like medicine; it might taste bad going down but ultimately it will make you better. 

--edited by Nevena Georgieva on 3/24/2014, 10:47 AM--

I really like what Isabell had to say about everyone having different tastes. And I completely agree that it's much easier to spot errors in someone else's work than in your own. That's why I think part of becoming a good writer involves spending the time to become a good critic. 

One thing I'm trying to do as I get reviews on Book Country is ignore the number of nibs someone gives my story and focus on the constructive, actionable pieces of feedback in the text of the review. Some people will find a few nits and immediately give one nib, while others don't seem to ever give below a three-nib rating, even if something's really rough. But in both types of reviews, there are bits of truth that can be useful. That's not so easy to do when the feedback you're receiving is a form rejection from an agent or publisher, I know, but it has been helpful to me here and in other workshops/critique groups. 

Also, I've started to keep a little file of gems--the really great things people have said about my writing. OK, some of the gems come from my mom, my sister, people who are genetically predisposed to think I'm the next New York Times Bestselling Author, but on a really tough day, having a few "pick me ups" to read helps me stick with it. I have a note from a student who asked for my autograph after reading the first draft (!!) of The Outlands. I have a review from a particularly harsh critic who said "hey, not bad!"--high praise from this individual!--and I have all the warm fuzzies that people in my critique group, in writing workshops, etc. have given me over the years. A friend who loves my blog, an old college professor, someone who comes to me when she needs help wordsmithing a press release or some marketing copy--I don't limit it to compliments on my fiction because at this point in my writing journey, I've written a lot more press releases than I've written novels/stories!

--edited by Julie Artz on 3/24/2014, 2:42 PM--

Receiving criticism—from any quarter, for any reason—is one of the most difficult things in the world to take. It doesn’t matter if it’s coming from a loved one, work manager or arts-related peer—criticism stings.  Constructive or no. After all, when we’re criticized/critiqued we’re caught between two competing impulses: fight or flight—which is the very definition of the psychological state called embarrassment.

Receiving critical feedback on your creative endeavors multiplies the angst, anxiety and outrage of this process a thousand-fold.

So what’s to do? One wants to improve, to learn how one’s words affected (or failed to affect) another’s consciousness and emotions. Writing is the process of communicating with others. And though the craft is often executed in solitude, the end product of our labors—felicities and groaners alike—is received and judged by the multitude. Which will let us know exactly what they think of our efforts, if given half-a-chance. Heh!

As succinctly as I can describe it, I process received criticisms thusly:

(1) Criticisms I agree with I act upon immediately. (Usually with a wistful sigh or pained groan: Why didn’t I catch this myself?!  How could I have been so blind to this error; I read over that particular passage at least a hundred times during successive drafts. And saw what I wanted to see, apparently  . . .)

(2) Criticisms I disagree with I ignore. (Not much else to say about this category of criticism. These are the criticisms you know immediately are wrong or would cause undue violence to your work.)

(3) Criticisms I’m unsure or hesitant about I leave unresolved till another day. (In time—usually another 30-90 days—I’ll either implement these suggested criticisms or know beyond the shadow of a doubt that they’re wrong for the work in question.) 

When I’m giving criticism—a process almost as strained, awkward and painful as receiving criticism—I’m ever-mindful of all the above. I seek to communicate with the writer in as direct, honest and yet supportive a fashion as possible. Sometimes this means interweaving instances of wry humor in amongst my critical judgments. Other times this means being exceedingly blunt or on-the-nose with the writer. In any case, I endeavor to be as specific, constructive (which for me means being proscriptive and offering suggested re-writes) and “in-sync” with authorial tone and intent as possible.

A final word: If the critical process—that is to say, receiving and reacting to criticism of your work—stops you from writing, you’re not yet ready to post your work publicly. There’s no shame in this; it simply means that you’re not yet ready “to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous lit-crit gorings”.  (Apologies to Mr. Shakespeare.) You may be a hypersensitive genius (ala Emily Dickinson) or a hopeless hack; in either instance be honest with yourself: Is criticism what you’re after, or simply artistic validation? The two are very, very different—and necessary—to a writer’s progress. Consider yourself lucky if you receive both at the same time.    

--edited by Carl E. Reed on 3/25/2014, 4:04 PM--

Carl, great reflections, as usual. Your three-pronged approach to reviews is a wonderful option for newbie workshoppers. Thank you for sharing it!

Nevena

At my day job my co-workers and I share ideas, debate and argue, and then make decisions that affect our entire 4,000 employee organization. Our director has his own work to do, but we run ideas past him, vigorously arguing our positions. He uses a Socratic method of inquiry, and sometimes coaches us into changing our positions. A lively debate with the boss is a high point of the week because he is wise, more experienced than the rest of us, can actually see the both the forest and the trees, and ultimately he trusts and supports our judgement.

In order to accept feedback on my writing, I need to know something about the reviewer, and I need to respect that person's opinions. I want the reviewer to be like my boss, wise, more experienced than me, and able to get me to change course where necessary without embarrassing me or grinding me into the ground.

I have not workshopped anything here, at least not yet. I have two reviewers. One is a wordsmith, and the other is a story consultant. The wordsmith taught me what a sentence is for, and he told me where I could stick my adjectives and adverbs. The story consultant coached me into rewriting most of a collecting of short fiction, holding up publication for most of a year. The stories were better for it. I have the luxury of knowing these people well, and we can have one-on-one, face-to-face debates about the stories. It would be hard but not impossible to replicate that on-line.

Yes, I accept feedback "with grace and dignity," even negative feedback, when I know it's coming from a trusted source that has the experience and background to help and the honest desire to help.

I just got reviewed by someone I have to admit I was dreading being reviewed by here on BC.   However, I read the comments in depth, and I can't argue with any of the points being made.  Not a one.  The feedback was fair, constructive, and useful, without being demeaning.  So while the number of nibs is lower than I'd naturally like to see, I'm actually encouraged by the review - not only because I've identified some clear issues I need to work on, but also I was expecting to be slammed a lot harder than I was.

(I am, however, extremely annoyed with myself for not catching that I overused the word "impeccable" in the first couple of paragraphs.)

--edited by Ian Nathaniel Cohen on 3/27/2014, 2:35 PM--

Part of the challenge of being a writer is to deal with the number of has one has to wear. First and foremost we are writers. We can't forget this, and we must always come back to our main purpose, which is to communicate what we think and feel to others, to the world. But that's not enough. Next we are editors, asking structural questions about  what we have written, double-checking syntax, meaning, and grammar. Again and again. It';s endless. Lastly, we are proofreaders checking for typos and formatting. Of course, if we have found a publisher, one with a decent staff, we get help. But starting out, if we are alone, we have to do all this ourselves.  In all this we must not just be open to criticism, we must demand it. We need others to give us feedback on our work that will improve it. So if we want to be complete authors, we must not only respond to criticism, we must seek it out, encourage it, and absorb it.  Then, and perhaps only then, will we produce something worthwhile.