Joined: 3/3/2011
Posts: 68
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I've not been getting as many reads and reviews on my novel Shield & Crocus as I'd hope, and Colleen suggested in the Twitter #bookcountry chat that I should start a thread. Here goes!
My original short description was this:
An aging superhero leads a team against five infighting tyrants to save a city built among the bones of a titan.
One idea would be to give a bit more description of the villains, as follows:
An aging hero fights the forces of a gangster, a slaver, a sorcerer, a madman and a sentinent automaton in a city build into the bones of a titan.
Or maybe focus on personal stakes, like this:
Wonlar has lost friends, allies, and the love of his life in his fight to free the city of Audec-Hal. But will he risk his son or compromise his morals to win?
Any thoughts?
Thanks, Mike
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Joined: 5/5/2011
Posts: 23
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Love the idea of a city built into the bones of a titan. Weird, in a good way! Not sure it needs to be part of the hook, though.
I like the personal version, but ditch the rhetorical question & the name of the city. I'd leave out the villians. I'd also leave out compromising his morals, just to shorten it up a bit - not that it isn't important but with limited attention span try to keep only the most important stakes in the hook.
Does he have any personal stake in it if the city falls to the tyrants? What is his connection to the city? What made him lose his friends - they deserted him or were killed?
Formulaic, forgive me, but I had a go at it:
When a gang of infighting villians take over the city he grew up in, aging superhero Wonlar knows he still has what it takes to defeat them, but winning may cost him his son.
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