Okay, I'm new to writing. And I understand that, if possible in writing a book, you should avoid 'he felt', 'he saw', 'he heard'. Right now I am going through my manuscript and omitting these words as much as I can and restructuring sentences that have them. But here is what I want to ask; in what instances can these words remain? I've read a number of books on the subject of becoming a better fiction writer, but none of them have gotten deep into the 'he felt', 'he saw', 'he heard' subject.

Could someone give me some advise on this? Examples of times when these words are usable would be helpful. Thanks!

--edited by Ian Nathaniel Cohen on 10/12/2014, 5:38 PM--

Amber, was it you I promised a review? I promised someone new, and then couldn't remember who it was.

What you mention are what is called filter, or crutch words. It's not that you don't want to use them, it's that used in certain ways they distance the reader from the action.

Assume you're writing in the character's POV. That means the reader is viewing the scene through the senses of the character. Not as a curious reader or the author might use those senses, but as the character is using them. That's a critical difference, because while the character can see/hear/feel/smell/taste  many things, s/he is focused only what has their active attention, and that's what we should be presenting. Further, the character can only experience events in real-time, because that's how we live our own lives. Given that, any time you tell the reader about the scene as an external observer you have a break in point of view.

Make sense so far?

Look at it in practical terms. When you say, "There was a light showing in the window," or "He heard the sound of a pistol cocking in the living room," that's you telling the reader what's happening as you view the scene, not as the protagonist is experiencing it. For him/her it's, "A light showed in the window," or, "From the living room came the sound of a pistol being cocked."

These are the kind of things you need to look for. Not because there's a rule not to use certain words, but because using them, in that way, is a break on POV.

Here's an article the lists lots of that kind of word: http://writeitsideways.com/are-these-filter-words-weakening-your-fiction

To that, here are some of the things I personally make a check for:

• I look for where contractions that can make dialog and the exposition more realistic.

• I look at every "that" as in, "He thought that it was a good idea," which works better as, "He thought it was a good idea."

• I get rid of every unnecessary "was (and were, too)." In the example above, where I removed "that," wouldn't it be better, and a more active presentation to get rid of both the filter word, "thought" and "was," and present the line as, "A good idea," he said, thoughtfully. Or: "The idea had merit." Or, "Not a bad idea." Each of them is the character's reaction, as against the author filtering the reaction through their own viewpoint.

• Many of the protagonist's names can be replaced with he or she, if we know who's being mentioned, because characters doesn't think of themselves  by name. And if we're in the character's POV the third person, the equivalent for "I" is he or she, not the character's name.

• Evaluate he and she. In places it can be rephrased to do away with it, because it's the author explaining what he or she is doing, instead of presenting the protagonist's viewpoint.

• I do a cleanup of indeterminate words that are used in place of what te character actually is making their decision on.  Words like "some,"  "often," and "around."

• I look at "then" and "than," because I'm always typing one when I mean the other.

Hope this clarifies.

--edited by Jay Greenstein on 10/12/2014, 9:17 PM--

Mimi, I am the one you promised a review. But don't worry about that right now. Two others reviewed my work and I took the book down to do some major revising (I didn't want you getting a hold of it when I'd already started making changes). When I put it back up, I'll message you on connections. And once you have a new draft of your book up, I'll review it. So far I've reviewed four other books on Book Country, and three out of four have thanked me for it, saying I had great feedback.

Also, thank you, Jay Greenstein, for your advice on this matter. Your list of words and the link you gave are really helpful. I'm planning to go through my manuscript again and seek out these words and shave them off the best I can.

And thank you, Ian. Your advice was helpful, too. Luckily, I had the same thoughts when I first went through my manuscript. When someone's speaking these words, I won't omit them.

--edited by Amber Wolfe on 10/13/2014, 5:28 AM--

Nice discussion here, folks! I love the level of insight and I agree.

I'll just reiterate that one of my writing teachers gave the same advice--to just go through the manuscript and cut out every "felt," "saw," "heard" and that advice has always stuck with me. Not only was that teacher, like you all, totally right, it's also a great way to get yourself to reread the manuscript and wade into editing, if editing and revision ever feels like a gargantuan task that you'd rather put off another day.