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Joined: 3/4/2011
Posts: 10
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I'm quite rattled by the latest rejection of Citizen in the Wilds. There's a real feeling of disappointment from the agent. Her words were, and I quote:
"I'm afraid the material didn't draw me in as much as I had hoped."
Ouch.
So I went back and looked at the manuscript again, particularly the first chapter. I've recently rewritten it and I feel compelled to do so again. Or maybe write a prologue. Or start it in a different place or a different time...
I feel like I'm flailing around a bit in the dark, here. I thought I got my work off to a decent start with a slow build to a sudden reveal. Apparently that isn't the case. Or is it?
Are my fears justified? Do I need to make a sharper, more obvious hook? Or is this business truly that subjective?
Thanks in advance for your feedback and advice.
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Joined: 6/13/2011
Posts: 6
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Hi BlueInk,
I read the first chapter (but no further). Before I comment on this, would you mind sending me the query letter you sent with this? I want to get an idea of what the agent might've expected versus what you delivered.
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You need to understand that what you got was a form rejection, not an analysis. If your manuscript was rejected because they're not buying anything this month the letter would be the same. Anything but a personal response says only "no."
It seems cruel, but the editor or agent you send it to has no time or inclination for more than that. Sadly, every agent has horror stories to tell about the time they tried to help a writer.
To better understand why, this article sums it up well.
http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/archives/2009/09/i_will_not_read.php?page=1
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Joined: 6/13/2011
Posts: 6
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This is definitely a possibility, although I've never received a form letter with a tone of disappointment (usually they're dressed up as "we feel your work isn't right for our firm, but that does not reflect all firms").
I guess I can post my feelings about the problems with your work in a review (if you don't mind me giving you ratings based on reading only one chapter). The short of it is, as much as I hate to say it, I think your fears are justified.
The biggest problem I had is that you've created this rich, deep world with great mythology, but you seem like you're in such a hurry to tell it. Instead of letting the reader discover the world through the characters, you've resorted to just laying it all out as a massive info dump (disguised as conversation). Very little actually happens in chapter 1, but instead you get a lot of characters talking about people and places without actually being there. Actually now that I think about it, you kind of did this in your book "Cold Iron" as well (I don't think it was this extreme though). As a result, your chapter 1 is overly bloated with exposition (and it is really bloated... I was a bit exhausted after what I felt was a marathon).
There is one specific spot I thought you did a great job was with the introduction of the thief and the notion that summoning is banned. That's the kind of thing you want in your opening chapters. The concept is introduced through something happening and you don't explain WHY summoning is banned, thus creating some mystery and intrigue to compel the reader forward. You need more of that, and less straight up exposition.
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Joined: 3/4/2011
Posts: 10
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I wanted to thank you both for your feedback and advice. I appreciate the honesty and support. I didn't mention you by name, but you did inspire me to write the following:
http://www.blueinkalchemy.com/2011/06/30/hooks-hurt/
Thanks again.
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Joined: 6/13/2011
Posts: 6
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From reading your post, I can tell you "get it." Also I want you to know you aren't alone and that I totally understand the somewhat demoralizing position you probably find yourself in. We've all been there (I was there with my own book just half-a-year ago) and although the reasons may differ, the struggles we face as authors is the same.
I think the best advice I can give is to use the conflict you feel now (pun intended) to fuel your book. That's what I did. On a personal level, I find my book as morphed over time into an allegory of the struggle of writing a book, as much as it is about the themes I wanted to explore before I started writing in the first place. = )
Writing is a craft, and if you're doing it right then it means you WILL have to make some hard decisions at some point. Nothing worth doing is easy.
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