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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 244
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Okay, so here's a little experiment/question. This didn't really seem to fit in either POV or setting/world building so I'm putting it here. I'm realizing that I'm pretty uneven in my descriptions overall in the contemporary fantasy I'll soon be revising anew. I need to up the word count a little and I know that the reader could probably benefit from a better description of what's around the characters.
My biggest issue, and one reason why I think that the description is so uneven, is that I'm unsure of whether the description should match the POV (in this case I'm angling for close 3rd and the character who we follow most often is a male) or if there should be a slight pulling back in order to give the reader the sort of picture they need.
This is a brief paragraph excerpt from the story, one that doesn't actually give any plot away but definitely highlights some internal character stuff. One is the paragraph that is actually currently in the manuscript and one is revised solely for this experiment.
Derek walked in the door of his “ancestral home” as his mother liked to phrase it. The ultra-modern feeling interior left him cold. There were plain white walls and no decorations of any sort save only the plastic family photographs. The furniture felt small for the space it occupied. At least, it was too small for Derek’s liking. Give him an overstuffed sofa any day. Well, almost any day.
Derek walked through the door of his “ancestral home” as his mother liked to phrase it. The ultra-modern interior left him cold. He took in the plain white walls, no baseboards, no crown molding, bare door frames, and no decorations of any sort save only the plastic family photographs along the mantle of the useless fireplace framed by fake plants because his mother felt live things were too time-consuming. The furniture felt too small for the space, with its sterile lines and cool metallic colors. At least it was too small for Derek’s liking. Give him an overstuffed sofa any day. Well, almost any day.
Does one work better, given what I've told you about the POV and the MC? Should there be a difference between the POV and the narrative? Should descriptions only be cast in the direct perspective of the character? So if you've got an otherwise pretty oblivious character does that mean your descriptions will be almost non-existent? Or do you go more full in descriptions despite what the character themselves may or may not notice, given the characterization you've done on them both in and out of the novel?
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Joined: 3/17/2011
Posts: 88
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I don't see any reason not to go with the second paragraph. Interestingly, leaving "feeling" out of the sentence "The ultra-modern interior left him cold" brings us closer to him, not farther away. You're not writing in 1st person so you can go ahead and report things Derek sees but would not necessarily talk about. If he's not blind he can see the things you note about the room. Also, by bringing in his relationship with his mother you are giving us his subjective experience of the room, totally fair game in close 3rd.
The way you built up your question, I thought you were gonna go quasi-omni on us, but not at all. You're just putting into words some things the MC wouldn't. That's not a crime unless you're using 1st person. I see a lot of folks making this error--thinking that close 3rd is like 1st person minuse the "I." They're two different POV's. And you are describing one of their differences with your second paragraph.
-Kevin
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 244
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I do get that close third isn't just first minus the "I." I guess I didn't quite get to the heart of the question. Not uncommon. I tend to get wordy and such. (I blame it on grad school and needing to fill the requisite number of pages on term papers.)
Would a guy really notice those sorts of things? Does the second paragraph, the one with more details about the house and its architecture, read guy enough?
Thank you for your feedback on this experiment.
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Joined: 3/17/2011
Posts: 88
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As I said, I think if he's got eyes, he would see all those things. Reading "guy" enough is another issue. I'd say, you're creating a portrait of a son whose mother is reading kinda "guy" herself, y'know what I mean? She's a cold and prolly at least semi-brutal person, judging from her son's resentment.
That this particular guy might take a greater interest in interior design than your typical "guy" (whatever that means) seems quite plausible, given who his mother is. I think if you're worried that your MC is being too observant, it might be time to either rethink this MC or get another one. Do we really want "observant" to be a gendered characteristic? From this single paragraph of yours I have no reason to maligne your understanding of the male sex.
-Kevin
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Joined: 3/11/2011
Posts: 156
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I think the second paragraph is the one you want. But rather than just say "yes, that's it" go back and look at what it's really doing. You aren't just describing the place, you're actually building a portrait of Derek's mother. You aren't having him walk into a random house and start giving home decorating tips. He's in his mother's house, which may or may not be the home he grew up in. Even my brothers - one's a mechanic for a stunt show the other a plumber - can walk into the home we all grew up in and notice Dad rearranged the pictures on the walls. The stunt mechanic brother is the one who tiled my floors and explained the perception mistake I would be making if I ran the pattern the way I had in mind. He also cooks. And rides a Harley. And has a wife. Don't get caught up in stereotypes about "artistic" men.
Now for the larger topic - does description match POV. That can be a style choice, but for me, if I'm working in close third, it has to match. That's how we get close to the character. In mystery novels, I need it to match because that's how I work with the clues and the information revealed to the reader. The reader only gets to notice in the scene what the POV character notices. In Romance novels, I want description to match POV because that's going to include the description of and feelings toward the romantic interest. So, yep, description is going to what the MC sees, thinks and feels.
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Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 102
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I don't think the description has to match the POV in 3rd person, but I think the reader gains more insight into the character when the description matches his/her POV. Also, if you're word count is high, matching that up is a great way of making fewer words accomplish more.
In first person, I believe the two must match up, otherwise the reader is pulled out of character.
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