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Joined: 4/27/2011
Posts: 608
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You’re dead tomorrow: no more novels read, stories written, plots discussed. Your life? Full stop.
Was it worth it?
Since this is Book Country—where the production and criticism of the written word is our raison d’être –the questions I have for you are narrowly focused in our field of literary endeavor.
Did you write all of the stories you intended to? The way you wanted to? If not, what held you back? If you wrote fearlessly and boldly, what made you so brave?
Did you read all of the books you intended to read? If so, what are the stand-outs? The shattering disappointments? What books are left unread upon the shelf at your death? Will it matter that you never got to them?
If you find you’re experiencing regret at the thoughts and emotions these questions arouse what will you change about your reading and writing habits tomorrow? Assuming you’re still alive. What will remain the same?
If you’re completely satisfied at the work you’ve done and the books you’ve read so far how did you accomplish this life-long feat of steady, disciplined reading and writing? Do you have a religio-philosophical outlook on life that allows you to view your accomplishments to date with calm equanimity and quiet satisfaction? Or the opposite?
Are these questions irrelevant or unnecessarily provocative? If so, what does this suggest about the necessity and critical importance—or appalling lack thereof—of reading and writing in relation to living "the good life"?
The floor is yours . . .
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Joined: 6/7/2011
Posts: 467
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Hmm. I knew I wasn't feeling well. Alas.
As far as writing goes, I'm afraid I have fallen far short. Four novels and a couple of shorts, none of them perfect. Worst, I suppose, is the trilogy about Minoan Crete that stands just half-finished. Who will complete it for me? The third book is half-done, and there is a fair outline, but the third book is no more than scattered notes.
Or maybe it's the novels yet unstarted that represent the bigger loss. Two of them even have titles (Kill it,Kid and The Real Prester John) but that's about all they have. But titles make things real. Since I'm a goner, I might as well mention them so everyone can see how serious and dedicated I am, er, was.
So, if I wake up tomorrow still breathing, how shall I turn over that fresh leaf? What will I do differently? Dunno. I'm such a lazy lump. I seem to need scads of time doing nothing to fuel my small lurches toward immortality. It worries me, actually. I'm far too old a dog to start learning new tricks. Plus, there's the very real needs of living in this very real world. That's not an excuse – just the cold, bracing glove-slap of reality.
But I will (Ganesh willing) get up tomorrow and I will write, not as if it were my last day on earth, because that day will probably be spent drinking, but as if it were merely the next day on earth. One more chance to nudge the marker a little further toward the ever receding goal line.
As far as reading goes? Gads, I wouldn't know where to begin!
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Joined: 4/27/2011
Posts: 608
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Great, heart-felt, thought-provoking response of humor and candor, Atthys! Thanks for starting us off so well.
I'll silence myself now (and for the rest of the discussion).
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Awhile ago, wife and I listened to the Dalai Lama speak at Nova University, Florida. His message, stated in blunt, smiling words and repeated in sayings and stories was, "You have the right to be happy." Amazing, how those words hushed a crowd composed mostly of students. He told us we could be a person in pain and still have the right to be happy. "You can be a happy person who is in pain."
It made sense to me. I enjoy my accomplishments and failures. Of course, it helps that I lived in Europe when young enough to be a sap for Wayne Newton's song, "Danke Schoen." I still remember the summer and the refrain, "Thank you for all the joy and pain." Where did we get the idea that happiness is pain free?
Maybe the answer lies in the fact that while the Dalai Lama spoke, Secret Service men in dark suits and dark glasses with Bluetooth thingies sticking out of their ears moved through the crowd and helicopters flew overhead. That is, a lot of people obviously want to kill an old monk who smiles a lot and spreads the idea that we have the right to be happy. Obviously, we each have a choice of how we see life.
I'm happy with the Dalai Lama's view.
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Joined: 6/28/2011
Posts: 188
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When I finished The Last Tragedy and reread it, I felt pleased that I'd created something that was in its best moments both powerful and special. When I finished the subsequent trilogy and reread it, I felt an immense privilege at having had the opportunity to bring something extraordinary into existence. I also sensed the very real possibility that I'd written the best thing I would ever write.
If I were to die tomorrow, I would be full of regret for having lived less than I ought, but my major literary regret would be leaving the third book of the trilogy unpublished. If I die tomorrow, the third book and therefore the entire reason for the trilogy might very well die with me, and that would be a tremendous shame, given that it is complete and so genuinely worthwhile.
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Joined: 6/18/2012
Posts: 228
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Carl, your timing is wonderful. Just when I could feel my heart flutter with all of the books I haven't read or written, you pivot and ask me to change.
On the reading front, I'm doing a good job. I'm determined to read the entire genre map (ideally, multiple books in each category), and I've read 10 books so far this year, most of them on the map as it currently stands. Libraries and book stores always make me a touch sad, as I know I'll never be able to read every book along their shelves. That would be a regret.
In terms of writing, I felt devastated to think I would die before finishing the novel. Solution: consistent butt in chair. A little each day gets the job done. I noticed there are a couple of simultaneous writing challenges happening from Book Country members on Twitter. Do you think it would help to have check-ins here, other than the progress thread?
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Joined: 4/27/2011
Posts: 608
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Hi, Brandi! Thanks for contributing to the discussion. I feel the same way! So much reading, writing, learning, loving, laughing to be done and only so much time left . . . How do other people handle the challenge?
Re: BC writing challenges happening on Twitter: I missed that completely! Not to highjack my own thread but I think it would be helpful to have a "Current Contests" or some-such button prominently displayed on-screen in this new version of BC that's coming. Can't wait!
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Joined: 4/30/2011
Posts: 662
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This is how I see death. When you die, that's it. No one dies to young, too old. That was how long you were supposed to use the life you were given. If I didn't finish my novel or read books I wanted to, then it just wasn't meant to be. Why should I hold regrets if I didn't get to do certain things? I'm dead.
That said, I try to keep a positive outlook. I'm still breathing now, so I'll do my darndest to get my book done, read the books I want, and spend happy moments with my friends and family. If I get hit by a bus tomorrow or drive off of a bridge, I think I'd be more worried about my husband than about my writing. I'm just going to try and be happy.
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Joined: 11/17/2011
Posts: 1016
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We all know, or at least most of us know, that nothing about this is easy. I shake my head when I see, as I did just the other day, (I sometimes read through the comments in the member list) an introductory blurb that says, my goal is to be a famous, successful writer.
What about: my goal is to write something wonderful, that I’m proud of? Or: my goal is to enjoy the process, wherever it takes me? My goal is to discover and enjoy discovering, despite the pain involved, the extent of my abilities? Famous? Successful? (I take that to mean attaining a financial success.) Odd, I say. Very, very odd.
Am I happy with what I’ve accomplished? No. To what do I attribute my lack of achievement? I’m neurotic as hell. I second-guess myself constantly.
Do I read as much as I would like to? No. I go to one of those library sales and bring home cartons of books. I browse Amazon, and make my wish list. I spot read, sample, and set up a pile of priority tackles. Then I start to clean a bookshelf and I immediately start another pile of equally urgent reads. And so it goes.
My reading goes slowly because I insist on reading in front of my computer, taking notes on phrasing, and jotting thoughts and reactions. No scribbles in margins for me. I want it all at my fingertips.
What do I feel I can change about my obsessive behaviors? Not much. My sister listens to me bitch and moan and asks, do you at least have fun with your writing? Lately, not a whole lot. Not until I solve a few problems.
Summer’s coming. I’m wondering: can I put this ball and chain aside and garden for a few months, to clear my mind? I doubt it. Like Marley, I drag my burden with me wherever I go.
Would I trade my uncomfortable life for an easier path, say, being a passive consumer of fantasy, enjoying the ingenuity of others? Never. It’s a grand game, to create your own nonsense.
What do I hope for? Not to be a famous, wealthy writer. That’s bullshit. I long to finish something to my satisfaction. Which, as we all know, will never happen.
No matter what obstacle course we put ourselves through, whatever angst, anxiety, self-deceit, impatience and so on that we endure, I believe that we are never bored. Or boring. Am I right?
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Joined: 5/12/2011
Posts: 240
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My father died last June and he was a career book industry guy. I spent much of the time he was struggling with cancer (about 2 years) trying to produce a novel and have it published in the most traditional way possible, largely, in hind-sight, to please him before he died.
I did this in a rushed, anxious way. Later I also realized that his impending death lit a fire under me because life is flippin' short. Do what you want and bollocks to what anyone else thinks.
(My father's terminal cancer diagnosis came 5 months after he retired. I had just turned 39 and was having a little mid-life crisis until then, at which point, it became my 2/3 life crisis and I decided I didn't have time to whine, but should Get It Done--and "It" turned out to be writing fiction.)
But the week after he died, I realized that "the most traditional way" was not very available anymore (it is, but it's getting rarer) and that there were, in fact, ways to reach that ultimate goal by starting a little less traditionally.
So when the last agent finally said no after a revise and resubmit, I turned to small presses, rather than putting the ms away and beginning the next one immediately.
I got a small press deal that makes me very happy, though I consider it a step in the direction I want to go, not the ultimate goal. But I'm glad I decided to deviate even a little bit (admittedly not all that much) from Plan A. I actually think the deviation will help me get there anyway, in the long run...
As for reading...well, as they say, so many books, so little time. I don't have any "if ONLY I'd read Book X" regrets, but 16 years of education in literature will do that for you. I have read a lot, will continue to read a lot, without too much concern about reading the "right" thing. It's all right, one way or another.
If I died tomorrow I would not have achieved all my literary goals, but I would die moving in the right direction. I wouldn't change anything at this point.
In fact, I'm only now getting to a place where I believe I WON'T die tomorrow. Panicking about that makes settling in to work more difficult, I've found.
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Joined: 8/21/2011
Posts: 394
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Leave it to Mr. Reed to post the hard questions and force me to get all introspective and philosophical on a damp, chilly Friday night...
I'll start with reading. Have I read every book on my shelves/in my Kindle? Heck, no. If I die tomorrow, will I see that as a failure? No. I realized a long, long, long time ago that there will never be enough hours in the day, enough days in my life to read everything I want to read/should read. How could there be? And isn't that the beauty of loving to read? There will ALWAYS be something to read; some choice story that will ignite my imagination. And the people who will have to go through the shelves in my house after I'm gone will never know which books I read and which books I never cracked opened. All I could hope for is that the books on my shelves will speak a little to them about my interests and that they will take what they want and donate the rest.
Besides, how can I squeeze in all the other things I want to explore/learn if I spend all my spare time reading? When would I study Italian? Paint? Sing? Design a tile? Make jewelry? Volunteer? Figure out how to use ALL the settings on my digital SLR?
Walk the dog (and explore my neighborhood)?
Go to the ballet or a museum or a flower show?
Clean the damn house?
As for my writing - I don't write at least a little every day because I'm planning on raking in the big bucks and securing the movie rights. I write because something inside me drives me to do so. I'm at my happiest (and, yes, sometimes most frustrated) when I'm creating something - even if it's something as mundane as mixing grout for a tiled work.
Will I ever be completely satisfied with my writing? Probably not. And as long as nobody is telling me to STOP revising, I'll always fine a word or two to tweak, delete, or insert. Just today, I had an e-mail exchange with one of the doctors I work with over word-smithing. I told her to worry about the medical content and to let me and the other developmental and copy editors worry about the word-smithing. I also told her, too, that with all the work we have to turnaround in the next several months, we don't have the luxury of time to fret over every single word. Deadlines are a very real part of my day job. I have no deadlines with my fiction writing. (If there's an agent and/or publisher out there who would like to impose a deadline, I'm game!)
Like LilySea, I lost my father this summer. In the last year or so, several of my friends lost their fathers, too. It comes with the territory of middle age. I try not to dwell on my own mortality (though, I am certainly aware of it). I try to dwell on living. Maybe I won't read every book I should and maybe my writing will never see the light of day, but I intend to spend at least a little time of every day reading, writing, creating, living.
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Joined: 5/25/2011
Posts: 121
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Carl, there are times I think you’re a genius, and there are times I think you’re a very, very sick puppy, and when you start a threat like this I think you’re a very, very sick puppy who’s a genius. GD award time! So who gets the Platinum GD award for starting the most thought provoking threads? GD or Carl? Envelope please! What? Lost in the mail? Oh damn. Well, better luck next time guys. 
Now Carl, to your question. Well, if the atheists are correct I probably won’t notice. On the other hand if one (or many) of the major world religions are correct I would look forward to spending eternity reading just about everything ever written and discussing plot, style, etc., with the authors first hand (sure beats playing a harp all damn day). BTW, I’d also track down Louis Daguerre just to find out if he actually invented the Daguerreotype just so teenage boys could finally lust over actual photos of naked women.
Well, what else? Hmmm…, I assume you are actually referring to the penultimate moment, when you notice death standing in the corner of your room (or on the street corner as you make the unfortunate decision to beat that yellow traffic light) whetting his blade. What goes through your head? Yes, I have not written everything I’d like. There are actually two more “Agony of the Gods” books in various stages of development. And in them there are some characters I would like to give life to, characters that have something to say. Of the stories that I write, my favorites are the ones in which I get to explore characters (Agony and Last are like that). Others I kind of write as an exercise, or because I thought of a neat plot idea. A twist ending is great, but if I can develop a character that actually says something to the reader, or is liked (or hated, but as a person) by the reader then I’ve accomplished something. Like Angela (and your esteemed self, Carl) we are people who like to create, but in the end we enjoy giving to others, either joy or a thought provoking read. I’ve had a few people tell me they liked reading my stories – so I’ve accomplished something. It’s a bit like hiking up a mountain. You get the exhilaration of having accomplished something, but then you have to hike back to your car (groan!), or in the case of writing, as soon as you finish one story you notice another pulling at the pants cuff of your mind, giving you a pleading look, and asking, “My turn?”
Books I haven’t read? Probably lots. But reading is exploration. You may start down a certain track and then something odd or wonderful attracts you and you’re on a different path. Recently I came across the 25th Anniversary Concert of Les Miserables on PBS. Pure chance event. I’d gotten home from a late showing of Flight, but wasn’t really ready to call it a night, so sat down and was going to catch the end of SNL, but my local NBC affiliate was off the air for some reason, so I did some channel surfing. Came across Les Mis and was quickly captivated. Long story short – I just finished reading the book. Marvelous experience.
Well, I’m not totally sure that answers your question, but now I gotta go look for that envelope. Damn PO. J
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Joined: 11/17/2011
Posts: 1016
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Tom, you are marvelous.
Most of us start a thread. Carl starts a threat.
Part of his charm, right, folks?
The legend of Carl B. Reed grows and grows.
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I'm not done!!
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