Your Discussions Manage
Discussions you started

Got something to say? Pick a topic and start a discussion. It will be saved for you to follow and track.

Browse Topics
Discussions you're Following Join Now

See what our community is saying about your interests. Follow your favorite topics here.

Search Discussions
    Discussions you started ()
  • Discussions you're Following ()
Discussions recommended by your connections will appear here
Recommendations from your Connections ()
What's this? 

How do you write believable characters, characters who will become iconic, characters a reader will love or even love to hate? Talk about your characters here.

"Just Breathe" : MC issues. :(

70
Posted on 3/31/2011
I have been slowly putting my supernatural romance story up on this wonderful site (yes, a slight kiss-ass remark...don't judge). 

LisaMarie had so kindly reviewed it (along with two amazing writers). I mention LisaMarie, though, because she had pointed something out that I had - originally - questioned.

So now I'm here hoping my fellow betafish will help me:


I tackle abuse in my novel. LisaMarie had said she personally couldn't connect with my MC, Amber, because Amber goes from feeling one thing to another without so much as a blink. I feel it was mostly a scene where Amber bounces from fearing her boyfriend to letting loose in a club with her girlfriend.
See, the thing with Amber...she's delusional. She knows she's allowing someone to control her, but she also feels it's what she deserves. She even, at times, enjoys it (the fact that she doesn't have to worry about anything, basically. She has him to rely on. If she makes him happy, her life is happy. She sees it as a win-win situation if she just caves into her boyfriend, Adam.) 

What I'm asking is...what could I possibly add or take away from her character? Or, perhaps, it isn't her character but that I go a little too strong with the abuse from the get-go. It isn't physical abuse. It's more a verbal, "let me keep her down" sort of thing. There is a scene where he bruises her and grips her a little too tight for comfort...so I suppose I could cut that out and keep it at him simply snapping out at her with his words...

Oh, my dear fellow betas, I'm so confused. I know Adam abuses Amber. But I also know Amber allows it because he's all she knows. But I'm also trying to show that she's trying to deal with her regular life as a college student. By doing that, I'm trying to make the verbal abuse come off as something "natural." Something that hurts her and something she knows is wrong, but also something that she deals with because Adam is "good" for her (gets along with the family, has a stable future, etc). 

Would an extra scene work? Should I take out some internal dialogue? Or should I just scrap the abuse and make it so that she's just not happy with him (in a way, keeping it more lighthearted)? Though, there IS a reason why I have it as a vital character flaw in Adam. He's a huge threat when Amber comes to find she's meant to be with someone else - spiritually. So I'm relying on that abuse as a foreshadowing that Adam won't exactly let her go without some serious fighting.


I would really appreciate any feedback, please. :) Thank you so much!

Best,

Natalie
Showing 1 to 10 of 23 comments
2 years, 1 month, 21 days ago

I haven't had a chance to read the work yet but will try to do so later.

What I might suggest, just by reading this thread is the following:

If she fears the boyfriend, she knows something is wrong. For her to pretend it doesn't happen or make light of it to be able to go on with life isn't an unusual thing, but there's got to be some kind of action in the middle. Maybe she downs a drink to help her forget and be more carefree. Maybe she stops down and gives herself an internal pep talk "He didn't mean it. I deserved that. Forget about it and party, be happy." etc. although, as someone who's experiences mental/verbal abuse for several years, it always kind of lingers in the back of your mind. Maybe one just puts on a happy face and pretends it doesn't matter as much as it should, but there's a difference between pretend and literally being 100% happy after such an incident.
Is this a constructive response?
3
0
2 years, 1 month, 21 days ago

What MB said. As a domestic abuse victim as a kid, and my mother's main therapist after, and having done a LOT of research into the mechanics of emotional abuse and control... It's normal to her, but there has to be something that normalizes it. Shes being controlled against her will, there has to be SOMETHING that shows her will fighting but failing to fight. Otherwise, shes a brainwashed robot with no hope of recovery.

having the shakes now and then, repeating his words to herself, SOMETHING. there needs to be that moment between abuse and normal life where she makes the transition, makes it feel normal.

I don't envy you the challenge though! I'll read the story when i get a chance, and give some more detailed thoughts.
Is this a constructive response?
5
0
2 years, 1 month, 21 days ago

Thank you both so much! I really appreciate the fact that both of you are willing to share that information with me (about your past). Really, that means a lot.

I am definitely setting my thinking hat back on: I'll be editing the first chapters (where Adam is a key role) and hopefully push that.

Again, thank you for the suggestions.

I love our betafish family. :)
Is this a constructive response?
1
0
2 years, 1 month, 19 days ago

One thing I would say - if the story is (at least in part) about the abuse, don't cheapen it by just removing it. The value of the triumph is related to the depth of the tragedy.

I'll go on over and have a look ASAP and give you more detialed remarks in the critique, k?
Is this a constructive response?
4
0
2 years, 1 month, 17 days ago

Oh thank you so much! That means the world to me. :)
Is this a constructive response?
0
0
2 years, 1 month, 17 days ago

Having read it... the back and forth between controlled with him, normal with friends, seems normal. Its DISORIENTING, yes, but its supposed to be to someone that has never had that kind of mental dissonance. It does what it should, to me.

She seems a little too aware of the traps shes fallen into though. shes repeating a lot of the "after the fact" realizations that people have. It just kind of kills it to me, like shes reading from a text book on abuse, she KNOWS shes abused, but doesn't care. If that makes sense?
Is this a constructive response?
4
0
2 years, 1 month, 16 days ago

Oh that makes perfect sense! Yeah, see, I felt like I was giving her too much awareness. But then I didn't wanna make her seem like such a dope...you know?

I am changing it all though. :) Not ALL of it, but I'm adding more paranormal and I'm adding a bit more of a, "Oh...wait...this is wrong. I know it is. Etc etc." Hopefully it'll help the story on both of my top weak spots. haha. Thank you so much, again!
Is this a constructive response?
0
0
2 years, 1 month, 16 days ago

Oh, i hadn't gotten past the first chapter (most of my free time right now is involved in editing an anthology of webfiction that will go out soon. ) so I didn't realize that it was a paranormal romance, lol. Soon as i get a chance, I'll keep reading, I promise.

And yeah, one of the points of an abuse victim is they ARE dumb about it, they let their emotions cloud their judgment and prevent them from seeing what they should. When they are able to get past that and make the kinds of realizations she is making, they are able to finally break free of the abuse and get out. Otherwise, even if its pointed out to them, they refuse to believe that those stereo types refer to THEM. Emotional clouding and all that. Keep some of the lines, just use them later in the story. Put in more emotional blocking of those realizations in.
Is this a constructive response?
2
0
2 years, 1 month, 15 days ago

@Natalie - I've started to read (RT Prep has had me crazy or I'd be done). I think I'll have some good suggestions to fix what has been noted without any *major* changes. Just small line level stuff. Give me a day or two, k? I'll try to read more in the airport today.
Is this a constructive response?
1
0
2 years, 1 month, 15 days ago

Aw thank you so much! To all of you. :) I'm a patient betafish! I don't mind waiting. Also, it should be noted: I've "killed" Just Breathe for a bit. Only to clear up a few things and to up the paranormal. The way the story runs now it takes a lot longer to get there. So I'm going through it again and shifting a few scenes and epiphanies.

Amber - in the beginning - has also changed. A lot, actually. And her relationship with Adam is a bit more intense. :)

Again, though, I am happy to hear whatever y'all have to say! :D Thank you all so much!
Is this a constructive response?
0
0
Showing 1 to 10 of 23 comments

Report Abuse

Please choose the reason that best describes your concern. If you feel any content infringes your copyright, please refer to our General Terms of Use for information on copyright infringement and takedown procedures.

Discussion Tips

  • Search discussions before posting. Your question may already have been answered.
  • Ask specific questions when starting a new discussion.
  • Stay on topic.
  • No spam.
  • No flame wars or personal attacks.
  • For more information on about Book Country Discussions, please see our Community Guidelines.
Close
tooltip
Close

RSS Subscriptions

Book Country provides an RSS feed for those who like to read our Industry content in an RSS Aggregator.

Choose from the options below:

Close

Ignore

Are you sure you want to ignore this request or recommendation? It will be removed from your shelf.

Close

Are you sure you want to block this person?

You will no longer receive Connection Requests from this person, and they will not know that you have blocked them. You can unblock this person at any time in your account.

is now blocked.
You can manage your blocked people in your account.

Close

Block User

Are you sure you want to block this person?

This member is now blocked.
You can manage your blocked people in your profile.

Close

Disconnect

You will no longer be able to view this user’s Connections, read their complete books, or make Recommendations to them.

The user will not receive notification that you have Disconnected, but they will probably figure it out later. You can also stay in touch more casually by Following this person instead.

You are now Disconnected from this member.

Close

Accept Connection Request

Are you sure you want to Connect with this person?

By accepting this Connection Request, you will be allowing this member to read all the fiction you've posted, view your Connections, and the books, people, discussions, and topics you are Following. You can also receive Recommendations from your Connections and make Recommendations to them.

If you'd rather receive more casual updates on this person's activity, choose to Follow this person instead.

Close

Request to Connect

You must be signed in to Connect to this person.

Please sign in or join now if you want to Connect with this person.

 Connection Request pending

Your request has been sent to the member.

OK
Recommend to a Connection

Recommend: [Author]

Sign In to Your Account
Recommend to a Connection

Done! You have recommended [Author] to [recipient].

Badges

Book Country Badges are awarded for community activity and accomplishments. You can earn badges for positive contributions to the site, such as writing a highly rated book, or contributing many reviews and discussions.

Each badge comes in bronze, silver, and gold. You’ll start with bronze, and then earn silver and gold as your activity grows. There are also versions of each badge at the genre level, master genre level (i.e., SF, Romance, etc.), and for all of Book Country. Our staff is always working hard to ensure fairness and good karma. The more you participate, the more rewards you’ll receive.

What are Preferred Genres?

Preferred Genres help you track your interests and Connect with similar members. You can select as many genres as you like.

The Top Books and Top People in your Preferred Genres will automatically appear on your home page, updating every two weeks.

How do Recommendations work?

Recommendations make it easy to share interesting content with other Book Country members. You can recommend a book, discussion, person, or article to your Connections, and they can make Recommendations to you.

Recommendations appear in your notifications bar.

What are Connections?

Connections are your friends and colleagues on Book Country who you have allowed additional access to your work. Accepting a Connection request lets that member read all of the fiction you’ve posted (there is no word limit). Connections can also view who you are Connected to, as well as the books, People, Discussions, and Industry Topics you are Following. You can also receive Recommendations from your Connections and make Recommendations to them.

To add a new Connection, send a Request to Connect. The member to whom you would like to Connect must accept your request to make it official.

What is Following?

Following is a way to casually keep in touch with a person on Book Country. By Following a person, you will receive updates on their public activities on the site, such as uploading a new book or responding to a discussion. People you Follow can’t see your Connections, make Recommendations to you, or see that you are Following them.

What are Private Books?

Private books cannot be read by site visitors or community members. Private books do not appear on the Genre Map or in searches. Some writers may choose to temporarily make a book private during revisions or while meeting with agents and publishers.

You can repost a private book to make it visible again. All comments and ratings will be saved.

What are Deleted Books?

Writers can Delete their books at any time, for any reason. On rare occasions, the Book Country staff may Delete a book for copyright violations. Deleted books are completely removed from Book Country, along with all comments and reviews. Deleted books cannot be recovered.

What are Locked Discussions?

Locked Discussions are discussions that can still be read but cannot accept new responses. Discussions can only be locked by a Book Country administrator.

Peer Reviews

As a community for writers and readers, we want our members to receive thoughtful and constructive feedback on their work. Book Country Peer Reviews are designed to help writers improve in their chosen craft.

You must be a member to rate and review. Members can review a book once per draft.

Each review has several sections:

Overall Impressions

Share your general thoughts on the book. Did the writer categorize the book accurately on the Genre Map? Were you engaged by the material? What really worked and what needs work? Comment on whatever else you like.

Feedback Criteria

When uploading a book, writers can select two areas on which they’d like guidance. Provide more detailed feedback based on these criteria.

Star Ratings

Give each section a star rating from 1 to 5. This will help us determine how the book compares to others in the community. Your must rate each section to save your review. But remember, star ratings are not just a scale of bad to good; it’s also a scale from rough draft to polished manuscript.

Saving Your Review

It’s easy to work on your review over a period of time with our “Save for Later” feature. Please be aware, though, that if you have a review saved and the writer of the book changes his/her feedback criteria, the feedback that you’ve inputted for any old criteria will be automatically removed. Additionally, if the writer uploads a new draft of the book, your review will be lost. So don’t sit on it too long!

Reviewing Published Books

When writing your review of a published  book, please bear in mind that the author is not longer revising the project. For example, you may want to write your review as if you are giving your opinion to other potential readers.

Close
Request to Connect

Heads up! By Connecting with this person, you are allowing this user to view your other Connections, see who you’re Following, and read your complete books. You can also receive Recommendations from your Connections, and make Recommendations to them.

The other user must accept your Request to make the Connection official.

Your request has been sent to the member

[and will be active for 30 days].

OK
Recommend to a Connection

Done! You have sent a recommendation to .

Loading
Close
How to Use the Book Country Reader
Use the right and left arrows to move forward or backward through the book you’re reading.

You can also use the tabs at the bottom of the Reader to customize your reading experience. Use the tab on the far left to pop open the Table of Contents. The remaining tabs—from left to right—allow you to perform searches with the text, increase the font size, and change the font type from Serif to San Serif. The bar at the bottom of the page lets you see how far you are in the book; you can also use the slider to move backward and forward through the text.

And lastly, if you’re a Book Country member and are logged in, the Peer Review fields will open up next to the text of the book; you can use it to take notes as you read and save them for later when you want to write your Peer Review.
  • Click the left arrow to view the previous page.

  • Click the right arrow to view the next page.

  • Write a review of the book.
     

  • Use page tools to customize your experience and jump to sections of the book.

Close
Table of Contents
Bookmarks
Sign-in to the right or Join Now to add a bookmark.
Search
lorem...
Change Type Size
Aa Aa Aa
Change Type Face
Close
Upload Your Book
Start by entering the title of your new book.
Please enter a title for your book
Oops, I'm not uploading a new book, I want to modify a book I previously uploaded.
Close
Sign out

Are you sure you want to sign out?

It's Easy to Share Your Book

book
Your New Book
  • Get started!

    It's easy! Upload chapters at your own pace or your entire book if it's ready. Make changes any time you like.

  • Support your peers

    Everyone contributes at Book Country. After you provide three peer reviews, you can share your work with the community.

  • Get feedback

    Book Country is a supportive community of fiction writers and readers who offer constructive feedback to help you improve your craft.

  • Your big break

    Our members include published authors and industry professionals. You never know who might discover your work.

Close
Remove your comment

Are you sure you want to delete this comment?

Close
Delete your discussion

Are you sure you want to delete this discussion?