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Every third or fourth generation, the Earl of Cheshire’s family manages to produce a girl child. This is not cause for celebration. Rather, it is cause for shame and dread due to the legendary scandals that invariably haunt these rare daughters. Lady Lark Collier is no exception. And, although the baffling scandals that begin to erupt around her at age 17 are not of her making, she is left to deal with the life-altering repercussions alone.
The Dainty Duchess is intended as the first in a series of five novels that span generations of the same family and focus on that family's rare daughters.
Love the Prologue. Very fast paced and got right to the point. Clever.My goodness! This has turned out to be quite the story. Quite the projects that Lark is taking on. I'm very proud of her interest in her servants' well-being, and in the surrounding communities along with all the war veterans and widows. Noble calling. Good for her. She's spunky, and I like that. There have been a few typos, but I've been so wrapped up in reading I didn't want to take time to note them. If you do want them, let me know. :)This is a disappointing end to 100 pages (100%) of your story. I'm sorry, but I need my happy ending! ;) You took so much time and care to tell us this story, and now that you've finally got them together, it's so violent and gruesome. This is not a romance. I need romance from a 'romance' story. Have you finished this story? I'd like to read the rest, if I may. Is there a happy ending? I need to know. Good luck with your work. You've got a gift, but I am disappointed in the ending. Please upload more or let me know if I can read it, or still, let me know if there is a happy ending. ~Ellise(P.S. Star rating for now is subject to change with the ending provided to my satisfaction...) :]
I enjoy getting into Lark's head. I like how she sees the world--or at least her dream world. I wish for her to have babies to love too. :)I like that Lark's generosity is there, so prevalent in all she does. The war widows now have income to pay their debts and keep their families provided for. Such a great lady to do that for others. :)
Very intriguing plot. Can't wait to see how this comes out!Oh my gosh! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE her shopping spree! I love what she is doing! I love the renovations and her plans for an AMAZING future. Way to go, Lark! I have to say, I ADORE the plum purple lady's study! Perfect room with a perfect chandelier and safe for all her new jewels. Awesome! I love the blossoming dogwoods and fruit trees and all the flowers. Perfect house for such a spirited lady. Can't WAIT for his visit!All the outdoor harvesting is immensely gratifying as well. Love this book already.I love her Tuesdays with the ladies making crates full of supplies and candies to send to the surgeons for the wounded. Very nice touch. She's going to get him noticing that!Oh! I positively LOVE the lace idea! Wow! You've woven such a perfect pattern to your story here. Lace Manor and Belgian lace! Perfect! You're amazing! "Lace Ladies". Love it! Love it! Love it!I love this: "And each of them told her personal account of rescue from abject poverty by Lady Lark Dewhurst, the Dainty Duchess of Essex." Sweet!Yikes! You are so bold! She's actually going to have him sent home for the Prince's ball? Shoot, that's good! :)Elegant and enticing. Gentleman drool. Fall at your feet. This is going to be good...I have to admit, I'm concerned. I do prefer sizzle without complete detail. So, as pleased as I am with your story at this point, I'm hoping to fully read it and not have to close my eyes. I do like romance, but I prefer the clean kind. So far, you've delivered. :)I hate him! How could he do that to her? Ouch, poor thing. I know he doesn't know what's going on, but that was no gentleman.
Love the plot! Great voice. I felt like I was really there.
The characters have texture. I enjoyed reading them, and within 6% of the book I felt oriented.
YES! This is interesting. The opening scene pulled me in. I couldn't figure out at first what was going on. I liked the hook.
I'm going to comment as I go.Your second sentence is far stronger than your first - I'd suggest deleting the declaration. In your first paragraph, we know who, where, what and why, so that's great! But instead of galloping emotions, how about her galloping heart? We understand her emotions without you telling us, and can figure out the reason for the deep breath. Again, at the end of your second, get rid of "This was a disaster of major proportions." We know. And besides, it's better to show than to tell. And you've already shown! :) 3rd paragraph - be consistent: you spelled whiskey both with and without the e. At 2%, it's not immediately clear that time has passed or that Colin is carrying Lark. Well, you've managed to create disdain for Colin in less than three pages! Well done! Love that she pukes on him. I'm thinking you could just make your prologue part of chapter one. And I do enjoy poetry and the like, but it seems rather out of place and amateur in posting it in your own novel. But that's my opinion. :) At 4%, you've got showing and telling. The showing is perfect though - she ripped the offensive thing to shreds, so the telling - sudden fury and frustration seized her senses - is unnecessary and repetitive. Same thing in the next sentence. Your sentence in the following paragraph "Stopping only..." seems to be missing a subject. Or it seems odd that the coach is the subject, as you have it written. Who's getting sweet tea shoved through the window? See what I mean? Show and tell again with 5% and this sentence: No sooner had this image penetrated her muddled brain... above, you show us how sluggish and traumatized she is from her journey and wedding, so the sentence is repetitive. Also, there should be a period after Your Grace. Love the detail of the soap, the hot bricks, etc. At 7%, the whelp another bitch comment should have the period inside the quotes at the end. This paragraph eludes to the whole curse, but I'm still in the dark as to how it came to be and what bad things will happen to her because of it. For instance, what has happened to the women born before her? At 8%, show versus tell that reality was knocking - just say dread washed over her. Love the rules she's memorized. I especially like 10. ;) At 9%, get rid of, Mirror-gazing was always such a disappointment, she cringed. At 11%, period after Smythe murmured uncomfortably. At the bottom of 11%, again, telling your reader that Lark's dreaded new reality had hit her squarely is unnecessary. We find out the reality in the next sentence. Lark's dreams of a family certainly make us feel for her plight. Good! The new paragraph at the bottom of 12% could be tightened up by beginning it with the act itself: Her selfish, arrogant husband had stolen her most treasured dreams (and aspirations!) with the stroke of a pen. Might I suggest another word for lout? Thug? Hooligan? Louse, even? Watch out for stating the obvious: She was at the most important crossroad of her young life and she knew it instinctively. (And you just said the same thing twice, essentially.) It seems like this story is being told, essentially, from Lark's POV, though it's third person omni. Be careful what you divulge to the reader: would Lark be aware of the glint in her eye at 16%? Probably not. The trick, I've been told, is to tell the reader only what your MC would see, feel, taste, smell and hear. Otherwise, you're giving a glorified book report of what's happening. It's harder than it sounds. :) haha - Lace Manor! Clever. Your long lists of things Lark and Mrs. Matthews purchase could be shortened a bit, and still relay the amount of money they're spending. As it is, it reads a bit tediously. Holy crap, she's going shopping wild! Chapter two could be seriously cut down. As it is now, I did skim through a lot of it because it read like one list after another. I understand the need to relay time passing, but there's no dialogue, no people mentioned really, and no action other than what you're reporting to us in terms of what the house looks like, what's being done to it and the harvest. Compared to your first chapter, it's boring. And this is confirmed, when in chapter 3, you begin by telling us 6 months has passed. So cut chapter 2 way down. At 31%, get rid of the first sentence about regrets. Or show us how she's filled with regret! Show us she's lonely and then tell us about her two friends. At 32%, bringing up the baby thing seems out of place here, since Essex is still away at war - despite him telling her he won't consummate the marriage, he wouldn't be able to now anyways. Like that at32%, we finally learn why the two were forced to marry - kind of funny. At 33%, double what efforts? To have children? To decorate? To piss him off? At 33%, Mrs. Matthews' face and Mr. Matthews' had flushed with color are both possessive. Next page at 34%, you have two dialogue tags and you only need one for the second half of Lark's dialogue at the top. At 36%, Matthews would not be possessive. At 42%, its, not it's. At 45% and throughout, you've started to use Matthews' to denote plural, and this is incorrect. It would be Matthewses or write around it. The apostrophe is for possessive only. I'm enjoying Lark's new business venture. Again, at 58%, you don't need a dialogue tag at the beginning and end of Lark's dialogue. Again, watch out for your POV. At 61%, you're telling us the Major's handsome face, blond hair and turquoise eyes went unnoticed. If so, you shouldn't tell the reader about them. In the next paragraph, we've appeared to shift to Aylsworth's POV: he sucks in his breath and stares dumbstruck at Lark. Lark would not notice this either, as you say in the next paragraph. At 61%, you're flopping between both POVs. Watch that. The plot thickens at 63%, with Lark invited to the same ceremony as her estranged hubby! I like it. At 64%, there should be a period after Lark protested before you start the second sentence in the dialogue. And again, you don't need another tag at the end. Mrs. Matthews would be possessive in the sentence beginning with, "When she had finished, Mrs. Matthews' eyes danced..." Also, years have passed and the couple and Lark are friends, so I don't think "fast friends" is right. Can a conscience cringe? At 66%, if should be: the Major said, aghast. Watch your POV again at 67%: Lark shot him an adoring look and a sparkling smile that stole his breath - Major's POV. Then Lark speaks and we see - Her fish was well landed. Two POVs here. Also, you need a comma after fete for the dialog tag. Matthewses plural at 67% in three places. At 68%, whose POV is this? Also, you're telling us, not showing. When another person speaks, put it on a new line. At 69%, it seems like the whole not telling the Matthewses the entirety of her plan is an afterthought on your part. I think it would flow better if you mention this when you write about the plan. At 73%, are the flower and gift deliveries part of "the plan?" I'm confused. I like that the C stands for courage. Cute. At 83%, I think it's odd that because he's not on the ship, she immediately starts thinking about ending her marriage (or doing something else that's not explained to the reader so I can only guess). It seems a quick flip in her thinking. At 84%, we slip back into the Major's POV. Not a lot of dialogue during the ball/ceremony, and it makes all of the description and details somewhat laborious. Love her response to him at 91% about his reassignment. Dragged, not drug. At 95%, it would be : voice shaking with anger. At 99%, you're missing some possessives here with Duchess's vs. Duchesses. Overall, this is shaping up to be a good, entertaining book. You have some technical issues, and I STILL don't know anything about the curse of the daughters, which your plot seems to hinge on. It seems like that has been cast aside, so I'm a little confused. Also, I think others have commented - this doesn't seem like Romantic Suspense, but Historical Romance. I suggest you change your genre - it might help with feedback since people will have a better idea of what they're in for. You also have a lot of instances of showing AND telling, or just telling and NO showing. It's something we all work at, but in many cases, you manage to show us enough that the additional statement, or Tell, isn't necessary. So you're already ahead of the game. Also, watch your POV shifts. It throws the reader out of the story.
I like Lark. It was entertaining to read about her plans and plots to get her husband home. I admire her moxie and that she doesn't just bend to him and men in general. She's a promising MC.The Duke, however, in my mind, is forever the bay guy. He disappears for four years, then comes back and rapes his wife. To me, he cannot be redeemed. Perhaps you plan for Lark to take his money and a lover. Otherwise, I can't imagine a reconciliation between them. It will be interesting to see what you do. I really do enjoy the Matthewses.
See overall for comments on the plot, but I'll echo them here: still don't know about this curse of the daughters that prompted her father to essentially reject her. Because of this, I feel like there's a gaping hole in the plot thus far. All we know about Lark is that she's forced into an on-the-surface loveless and apparently violent marriage, and she likes to pose as an interior decorator when left to her own devices. I've enjoyed it so far, but it's lacking a lot in the plot department.
Chekhov said "Never place a pistol on the wall in Act One unless you intend to fire it by Act Three." But the modern reader doesn't have the patience of the Nineteenth century theater-goer! I love the tone and the pace and the characters, but almost every single sentence from Chapter One onwards just ignores the whole plot of the story. In Chapter Three the author alludes to the fact that Lark was observed, unchaperoned,in a library with the "lout" who has become her unwilling husband, and this event alone brought about her marriage. So now the reader knows why Lark is married. However, there is no explanation as to what terrible events happen when her family produces a girl child.
Lark is a brave, feisty girl who is obsessed with having a baby. However, this doesn't motivate sympathy for her, because her husband is away at war, so she couldn't have a baby anyway. This is typical of the kind of stasis within the character development - the whole tone of the story is anachronistic, with the Duke of Essex as the unredeemed Alpha-male of 1980s bodice rippers, and Lark as the permanently wronged and angry and sad and feisty (but no motivation for the emotions) heroine. The reader is enthralled and swept through the story, but as a romance novel, the story doesn't obey the rules - especially the "crisis-followed-by-disaster-followed-by-a-really-bad-time-for-hero-and-heroine" trope. At around 80% - 90%, there is the famed moment of reversal, where all our heroine's happiness looks to turn to dust and ashes, but a) it is very slightly dealt with and one doesn't feel any real grief from Lark, and b) it is a fake, a decoy, because the Duke of Essex appears just at the last moment. Then he really turns into the Alpha Caveman / Silverback Gorilla / Genghis Khan. A Regency Romance this may be, but it is written in 2012, and despite the literary symmetry of her husband upending her over his back (and hauling her off to one of his houses that she has not yet had the opportunity to decorate) and of her fainting for the second time in her life, his brutal rape of her makes it difficult to see how true love and understanding will form the walls of their happy marriage over the next many years. Then it gets worse - but not in the truly romantic way of mutual misunderstanding and difficulties to be negotiated. And not in a vaguely-porn-erotic way, either - just brutally, violently, with broken wrist, broken finger, black eye and concussion. I can't believe the author thinks she can have her heroine shop her way out of this rankling stew of ugliness and violence, but the author has enough energy that it will be good to see her try.
(Note - the star rankings go with the Headers - so one star for plot.) Chekhov comments go here - I was too far into my discussion before I realized I was talking more about plot than "Overall Feedback" but I can't move my comments to this section.My bad. Query at 42% - Should there not be a lead-in to the "beeves"? Following so soon after the bees and the apiaries, it is confusing to the reader, even though the author refers to "animals" in the following sentences.
Overall, I think you are progressing well. As I said in the plot, I do think you are telling more than showing. Don't be afraid to describe more things. Right now, most of what is described is Lark's wardrobe. And that already borders on costume porn. Don't forget about emotional setting. Draw us more into Lark's story but don't rush us. Do that and I think this will be a great story.
Lark's journey is an interesting one. She goes from this scared, shy young girl to a confident, accomplished woman in her own right. I think you do this very quickly. You have four chapters currently posted and enough material for double that. Slow down and let your character tell her story. It's an interesting one.
I think you tell more than you show. Take the time to describe everything, especially as four years pass within the spand of about two chapters. It can get confusing. Otherwise, the plot is very interesting. I do wish to know more about the curse that was put on the family. I also am curious to see how Lark progresses with her husband.
That her selfish, arrogant husband had stolen her most treasured dreams with the mere stroke of a pen....I love this line! In some places too much detail. Most is essential but some is just filler.
I think the characters were developed well enough, I was able to get a good sense of who they were.
I would love to have the rest of the story. I thought I had it figured out, but then "things" happened and the entire story changed. I didn't see it coming, love when that happens.
I love the way you paint a full picture. It is grand and it is complete. At 86% there is a misspelling of Madame Geraud's name..Gerard. At 87% the word lead is used twice when I think you meant the past tense...led.At 98%...I think you meant Lace Manor servants, but it says Lark Manor.At 100%..it should be 'lie' on a mattress.I love your storyline, but, for me, the Duke is unredeemable. Are you planning on bringing him around? I just don't think I could, as a reader, care about him in the least now. However, having said that, as a writer, you have evoked strong feelings in me, the reader, about your character.
I love the development of Lark. I would like to see more development of the Duke. If we knew a little more about him and why his nature is so nasty, it might help to redeem him, if that is what you plan on doing. If not, it still wouldn't hurt to know a little more about him and why he is so rich, etc.
I'm not sure we really get to see much of the plot other than us knowing that she wants children and he is a dirty rat. I'm assuming those two things will come to some kind of resolution in the end. I really enjoyed reading your story and I think you are a very good writer.
I like where this is going. I am a fan of Lark :D! I didn't like the fact that it took a while for Coling to reappear in the sotry, although I know it was to show Lark's strength and courage and the passage of time. I also would have like to see more of what was going through Colin's mind about his 17 year old bride and the woman she was at 21. I also didn't quite understand what made Colin assume that Lark was having an affair with the Prince, and why he thought it okay to rape her. I don't like rape :( but I'm sure its important to the story. But overall, the story itself is very interesteing. I am interested to know what happens.
I like Lark. I can tell thea she is strong, and I like that she made a lot out of what seemed to be nothing. I didn't like Colin, but then I couldn't tell that much about him. He was there and then he was gone. I wished that we could have delved into his thoughts and feelings and got a little more background on him. And I hated that he assumed Lark was having an affair and used rape to punish her.
I was engaged when Lark outlined her plan. I wanted it to work, but after reading the horribe thing Colin did to her and then to decide to disappear again, i had mixed emotions. I hope it works out, because if she ends up not being able to have kids after the rape or is not pregnant as a result of it, then she may have lost all hope of having a family of her own, because I wouldn't want him to touch me again.
Love the dialogue in the prologue. Although I am wondering if there were any guests other than her parents at the wedding. Wouldn't have people been offended and maybe said something if he was shouting when she fainted? I feel like there might have been too many exclamation marks used but that is a matter of preference.Overall I really enjoyed reading this it definitely held my interest, excellent writing and some really good description in there as well.
I am surprised Lark is able to be so forward with men as she was with the solicitor since she seemed quite timid and demure at the start. Lark does seem to grow as a woman as the time passes and she becomes more independent. I like that although Lark has really grown into a strong woman she still harbors the hope of her husband changing his ways and giving her a family it shows she has weaknesses and she seems well balanced and retains some of the innocence of a young inexperienced woman.She does grow into a stronger woman but I find I feel stuck in the middle with my feelings of her being so forward with her husband. At first it was hard for me to believe she would be able to talk to him the way she did but I can also understand how anger could make her so bold. Overall I really like the character of Lark and despise the "lout" which I figure is the goal and you accomplished that well.
I am wondering why he agreed to marry her at all, what did he receive that made him consent to marry a woman he clearly has no desire to be around? He doesn't come across as the type that would go into the marriage because they were caught alone together in a room. It would make more sense if it were because he wanted or needed to produce a male heir but he wishes to have a sexless marriage which would negate that point. I like that unexpected things happen and found it moved along well. I read all of it at once and it kept me interested.
I'm supposed to be writing a kick butt action scene in an epic battle in my book today and here I am, sipping coffee with the dainty duchess. Tsk Tsk.Below is a detailed crit. Enjoyed. :)Okay, fantastic opening. You introduce the main conflict and I'm totally having to discover what she's going to do about this.Suggest taking out the word "Whisky?" because she says the scent of whisky wafted to her nose. This close together screams redundant. Still love the phrase "foxed!" like beautiful cussing. Love that she faints when he goes to kiss her. What a boar he seems like. Nice exchange between the groom and his friend. The plot is revealed in realistic anger. Good job there.Love that she pukes all over his backside. Sudden fury and frustration seized her senses and she ripped the offensive thing to shreds...Showing and telling. It's redundant unless you tell something you don't show or show something you don't tell. It you must, it's much more powerful to show it first, then summarize with a creative and lively telling to explain. Again right after: Her anger spent for the moment, she collapsed on the velvet upholstered coach seat and sobbed....If you just show her collapsing and sobbing, it's enough. If anything, it'll add suspense for our character, make me want to read and discover why exactly she's reacting this way, which we haven't completely gotten yet.I really liked the way you introduced more plot details through her nightmares. This time, her three day sleeping fits better, I think. Her silent tears, her tender age, and now these nightmares of what her father thinks...it really did the job of joining me indignantly and sympathetically to her cause. (whelp another bitch destined to stain the family's honor) was dreadfully powerful.Not improbable dreams. Improbable legends. And to clarify it was her birth and not another girl, just have her dream "watch his face twist in shock and shame when the physician announced her birth, another damned girl child" or something.I would have her end that dream with the snickering or snide thought of how many "girls" her father ended up with despite it all.Another thing to point out. It seems highly unusual for the father to be so irate on the first girl. Maybe 3rd but first? Surely he's not an idiot and knows it isn't something a woman can help? It's just so dumb it makes it unbeliveable. He's supposed to be an educated man.Absolutely love the way you sunk us into the era with those ten rules she's memorized for twelve years. Wonderful. The only suggestion is inserting her feelings on some of thees rules as well as the motion of her readying for the meeting.suggest removing "she cringed" from the mirror gazing, it's better I think, without it.There is just something fascinating about watching this strange marriage arrangement unfold. Definitely one of the major strengths in the plot.At the part where she reads it's going to be a white marriage, I would show her gripping the parchment or something to indicate how angry she is about that or at least show she's upset, and then maybe a few lines later, show why.The second paragraph at 12 percent is just flop. Where is this woman't spunk from before? I would expect to see it in the previous paragraph and this one. And not to mention, the way you wrote it feels terribly tellie. Tell this story through your character. Every sentence should be slanted with her personality and feelings. At least show some action beats that reflect her feelings in the matter while you educate us on how things "are" All you have to do is add emotion to this scene and it's good. Show it either in action beats or in the tone of your sentences.Like the paragraph where she tells what sort of life she wanted for her kids. The tone in those sentences scream how she detested it without you ever actually saying it. Of course you want to mix it up or we'll tire of her constant wit and sarcasm. Use emotional beats in between.Lark summoned years of strict aristocratic training to regain her shattered composure AND She forced herself to complete the task at hand. I would combine these sentences so it doesn't appear redundant. "lout" is getting overused.At 14 percent I am floating about the mansion, not knowing where I am, not remembering. You must keep the reader rooted to a specific moment and place. Where are we again? The parlor, the bathroom? What is she doing right now? Reading something? I don't remember. Action beats keep the reader rooted in her reality and not just in her head.Still think you need to ditch the "he responded, she rejoined, he inquired" it detracts.I love the way you ended the first paragraph on 17 percent. Lark returned to her hotel and began making lists. LOL.LACE MANOR!!! Loving it. Can't wait to see his face!Yet another variation of mutton stew. Love it.I don't blame her, I loathe it too! It would be nice to know why she hates it. What does it taste like to her?Okay, I think that's too much description of her purchases. Can't you summarize them with colorful expressions, room by room, maybe? Curt, tight, and laced with fresh sarcasm?"Lass, are ye sure the lout will nae kill ye?" LOL. My thoughts exactly.Despite her husband's wishes to the contrary, he could not possibly ignore her existence now" I think says the opposite of what you meant to say. I think it happens when you say "he could not possibly ignore her existence now." you say his wishes are contrary to that. Does that mean he can possibly ignore her existance? Try and restate it simpler.Gemstone-colored velvet drapes...why not say which gemstone since there are so many? It could be bright and cheery or deep and decadent.Instead of listing the rooms, since there's so many, maybe describe them by number, the twelve public rooms or something. I'm getting worn out with all of these details.My goodness, I can't believe you're STILL in description gear at 25 percent!! You began on 17 percent! Okay, one thing you didn't mention, that would help me establish the size of this operation is how many people live in the house with her? You sort of mentioned hiring certain people here and there, but a summarization, from out MC as she reflects on her grand accomplishments would be a clever and nice way to give us the grand total of everything. In fact, you could do that in exchange of some of the endless details.Like when you say, men from the village were hired, as a woman of the purse, she'd state how many. Ten men frojm the village were hired. That way we see her as frugal with her money even though it's source is despised, which shows honorable and likable character.Yes, I would rather have number facts with these descriptions. It tells me she's running the ship.If you insert more sentences like: No sweet tooth would go unsatisfied at Lace Manor this winter....then the details wouldn't be so bad. with this many details, you MUST constantly remind me of what drives her. Or I'll forget why I wanted to read this book to begin withAwwww, poor thing, her 18th birthday!!! How sad!Single unintentional breach of society's dectates, is putting it too nicely. Mostly the word "unintentional" seems inaccurate.Ohhhhh, NO HEIR!!!Knee slapper there!have an extra "with" second sentence 38 percent.At an outrageous cost, the large lake....love it!slavish loyalty doesn't sound right. Just loyalty works fine.At 49 percent, second paragraph, loooooong descriptions of lace and supplies, I BEG you, stop! At 56 percent and I'm just puffed up with pride with our Dainty Duchess thinking how much her husband will grow to love her! Sigh.LOL when she threw her father's letter straight into the fire!!Do we really need to know that Mrs. Bridgestone, who usually took supper with the Duchess in the smaller family dining room, would have her meal on a tray in her room that evening? Nahhhh.I'm wondering if it wouldn't hurt for you to open this book with the scene in the library. Give us SOME hint of a promise of something. Anything. 67 percent. Second paragraph. why tell when you show? And worse, you tell BEFORE you show. Quit that!(Fortunately, it couldn't have been easier, she reflected later.) [that]"Oh they will do more than drool, Your Grace. They will fall at your feet." Love it.Oh boy! she's going to seduce her husband??? Yes!!!Were there novels that she's referring to at that time? Sounds like she's describing bodice rippers.Ha! Never been fond of mysteries, good one.Oh my God, I can't believe he raped her! MY GOD why is she so broken to pieces? You need to indicate the damage as it's happening or it seems mysterious. She would have felt the pain of broken ribs, broken fingers, and all that other stuff as it was happening somewhat! Maybe not to its fullest extent, but something.Damn it, that's it? Come on, you can't leave us hanging. PLEASE post us what happens!
Sigh. Well, there was absolutely no character development for our husband, was there. Tsk tsk, the bastard. As far as the duchess, she's come a long way. I would have liked to hear more from her though during all the manor developments, more of what she was thinking, memories from childhood.
This plot is definitely different. Unexpected that he rapes her so brutally. Which leaves me to wonder if HE did it or if something happened after she fainted. Hmmm. I just have such a hard time believing he'd do something like that to any woman. Which has me THINKING he might be innocent. If he's not, then I'm throwing the damn book agasinst the cyber wall.
This intrigued me from the start and if a few things were tweaked, I can see a great story here.
I felt the characters were coming along nicely. I can see there's going to be trouble in paradise!
It seemed that the plot was a little slow and a bit confusing, though has great potental.
Holy cow, is it bad that I really want to kill a literary character? Very good writing, a couple of little things like it where you meant if but you probably caught that after uploading... Wow her husband is a jerk, as much as I want to know what happens next I'm really worried it will make me want to cry.
I liked the character development, aside from the husband who I'd really like to torture at this point.
Really good, although I feel like at some point in the overarching series the plot line has to take a turn for the better, otherwise its too depressing and it will turn many readers off.
This is an engaging page-tuner that kept me interested.
I like the pace of the character development. I especially like the way you described the subtlety of the female characters' psyche. Well done.
The storyline is novel enough to make the book into a niche market.
I thought this piece moved along quite quickly for the first three quarters. You set the conflict up early and the reader jumps right in. I thought Lark's feelings were very real and understandable up to point where she recovers and starts reading the contract. At this juncture I felt like she changed a little too fast. I mean, I get that she discovers that her new husband has all but abandoned her, but actually, I would think she might be a bit relieved at this news. I also felt that having the husband make a little stronger showing would help. For example, if he was there for a day or something, and we got to see them (read them) interact one more time, maybe showing us her strength and backbone and making her following actions (going on the shopping spree, not signing the contract etc) seem more in tune with her nature. That said, I did enjoy your writing very much, and I was easily able to let my mind start doing the mental picture thing. Your writing flows easily, and I commend you on keeping the tone of the time period (I’ve tried to write period pieces and I find it very difficult).One last thought. I mentioned earlier that I thought the story moved along for the first three quarters. The last portion, the shopping trip, I felt went on a bit too long and almost began to feel like a list. I think having more conversation thrown in between the two women, or shopkeepers etc, might alleviate this.Nice work!
I feel like I have a surface sense of who Lark is at this time, but character development takes time. From what I've read of your writing so far though, I don't think this will be problem, and you just need to add more chapters.
The start of the plot is good...time and more pages will tell!
The opening line and paragraph - I loved it! And here's why: The whole 'marrying against her wishes' thing has been done, but that first sentence kind of sums up that point. Nightmares being plural. I hope I'm making sense, but there's something about the wording that I just really liked. The flow of everything is really great as well and I love her name. Great description, but not too much description. It's in the baby-bear zone - JUST right. :)LOVE the opeinng. I also like that it's in third person, but the perspective changed when you shifted characters.
I'm thinking that I'm in love with your character and your writing style in general. It reminds me of one of my favorite authors - Kresley Cole. She writes mainly Paranormal Romance, but she has some great historicals as well. You should check her out. I think you'd like her.
I haven't gotten a chance to read that far, but I'm feeling the premise. I'll be back for more.
Overall: This isn't my usual genre, but I am definitely enjoying the story. I'd love to read more as you get it done.Things I really like:Lark. She's got some moxie and it's nice.Details. I like to know how things are done and what they look like.Mr. and Mrs. Matthews. They're like the parents she should have had and that's sweet as well.Things that may want some work:Lark. Her transition is a little sudden and while I like where she is and ends up, I'd like to see the process happen.Details. I love em, but I'd like to see them used a little more sparingly. Describe the process of Lark learning to preserve food in just one instance and let us know that they do it with the rest. Details about all of it (clothing too, just one dress in detail and then the rest) bogs down the story a little and leads to skimming.
I like the way that Lark is growing into her role and breaking the mold of what is expected of a proper society lady.As I mentioned in the overall feedback, I'd like to SEE her grow. As a properly raised aristocrat from London, it's unlikely she learned to can, etc growing up. I'd like to see some of the detail put into her learning process and watch her grow into the strong young woman.
What I'm getting so far is that she's learning she doesn't need the things that are traditionally required for one to be a "lady". She's strong, caring, motivated, and smart. She commands the loyalty of those around her just by being her. This is great. The trial of the husband (esp there at the end of the last chapter posted) definitely provide room for growth!I'm very interested to see where it goes. I think it's pretty clear she isn't going to end up with the Duke. Does the best friend come back into things? Either way, I'd like to see her find someone to appreciate her.So far the pacing works with the story and I can't wait to see where it goes.
Hey there Dana. First of all, this isn't a romantic suspense. This is historical romance. So you'll get some points off from that. Second of all, watch out for listing items. It's a bit too much. Use commas for it. And try to keep them small. Second of all, use semi-colons to combine two full sentences. Watch out for -ly words too. 14-year-old should be fourteen year old. Write numbers under 100 as whole words. It's should be its. Not possessive. Some sentences are long and wordy, and some are missing commas.Your chapters are also uploaded out of order too. For tags, end them in period before dialogue or before dialogue. Not commas. Glared is a word echo. Silver-gray not Silver-Gray.Nonetheless, you do have a great storyline between Lark and Colin and their heated romance for a HISTORICAL ROMANCE.
You've painted a good picture of Lark and her four years as Duchess very well. You've done a good job with the staff. But we need to see more of Colin's POV and his thoughts, other than in chapter 4 and prologue. That's just my opinion. But it's been executed very well.
You have a good premise, like any typical historical romance, to have Lark plot revenge on her absent husband's attention and to have a family. Bravo!
I like the story, I'd like to read more. I hope the writer will build the characters up more. Right now the Duke is pretty vague & I can't see myself liking him...ever!
I don't feel like I have enough background on the main female character to explain her ability to go from simpering 17 year old to business woman in a time when aristocracy didnt go into business. Less description of furnishings & clothes & more of the personality & background of the heroin pls!
I like the general idea of the plot but I don't feel like it's got enough personal detail to bring the story together yet.
You really need to have a look at your sentence and paragraph structure in your word document. Indents show up here so you don't need the line between paragraphs and you don't always have the line so it's a little confusing.
Spring green eyes, parchment pale and with a figure of a lad is all we have until chapter four. Nothing from the hero at all yet except that he didn't want to marry and was foxed at the wedding. We reall need to fall in love with at least one of your characters to keep reading.
I do like the marking of the months! But I don't know what the plot is... By the middle of the fourth chapter I still don't know what is going on or why I should read on. Your POV also shifts a fair bit and needs some work. What I really want is for the hero to return by the end of chapter two otherwise I'm just reading a story about a spoiled child who wants attention.
I wish there was more to read. Goodness, I greatly enjoyed what I read so far.The detail you give to everything is appreciated - though, I feel certain things could be cut down. Or maybe intertwined with the plot a little more. Instead of a huge paragraph detailing what sort of garments Lark's chosen, maybe you could integrate differently (in a discussion or maybe zoom into a scene and have her step back to see all that she's accomplished with her own eyes). Those are simply suggestions, because I am greatly enjoying what you have so far. :)
You wrote this, I feel, most excellently. If I read correctly, a few reviewers had mentioned how Chapter 1 didn't have the same tone or voice as the following chapters. I agree, but I don't have any problems with it. The point of the beginning is to show how helpless she seems. To show her weaknesses and to show what others are capable of doing to her. Like I said, it makes perfect sense. And I like what you're doing with Lark. She's changing, and she's becoming a woman with a backbone rather than someone who will just allow others to walk all over her (like her family). But now with the rape...I don't know. I can't guess as to what she plans on doing. Luckily, I don't have to think about that. ha! I'm looking forward to this strain on who she is. I really hope she's going to pull through and keep her confidence and her - most importantly - courage.I love Mr. and Mrs. Matthews. They're lovely. As for Colin: I hope he can redeem himself. I really do. But...that's going to be more than hard. Not only that, but I've labeled him as the enemy. The downright "bad guy."
Is this a romance? I'm so torn by this story. I love Lark, really. And I want her to have her family and have that love...but then Chapter 4 happened. :(Is the plot going to center around her rape? Or is it going to continue on her quest to have a child? ...Did she get pregnant with this act? So many questions and so little chapters! haha.I look forward to reading more. :)
This story has a lot of potential. I like Lark and how she refuses to sit back and take the life her husband tries to force on her. She grows in these few short chapters into a character I truly adore. The details are fantastic in this, although I feel like at times they slow down the flow of the story and hold the reader up. I LOVE the nicknames The Dainty Duchess and Lace Manor. I'm very curious to see where this story goes and to actually meet Colin and see what kind of character he actually is.
The one major part of character development that I find lacking is Colin. We get a ton of Lark in the first few chapters, but only a few paragraphs from his perspective. I would like to see his viewpoint a lot more to give us a bit more balance between the two. Even a few scenes with his reactions to her spending such crazy amounts of money would suffice. I also feel that (as I mentioned in the plot aspect of the review) Lark gets lost a bit in all the details of her spending. I would like to see more of her doing, to get further inside her head. So far, I like what I see (she's coming into her own as a strong, independent woman), but it all feels a lot like telling. But I want to see the world through her eyes, rather than being told all the different things being changed.The narration may also play a part in this. At times it feels like the story is being told from a distance, by a casual observer who has no stake in the story at all.
The plot moves along very smoothly, with one small exception. For me, the long lists of things Lark bought slowed me down. I found myself skimming the text during Chapter Two a lot. Perhaps if we got shown more of Lark during this, examples of her interactions with the staff/villagers, rather than a chunk of telling about all the things going on and changing in Lace Manor (LOVE that name, by the way). This applies to Chapter Three as well, to a lesser extent. We get more of Lark in here, but the bits with Madame Giraud could be cut down some to keep the plot flowing.
Impressive writing but alas one chapter is not enough to really beg a bit of feedback.
Lark is sweet and I like her so far but again, I need more.
I have not been given enough to know yet what that plot is other than to have children.
I like Lark's character a lot. She seems like she's going to be a nice, unconventional heroine. Don't let your language hold you back, however--there are some cliched phrases/expressions here that fall like clunkers. They're mostly in the prologue, luckily, and I honestly think you could delete the prologue without much fuss and get us right into the action. But that's just my preference.
As I said, I like Lark so far, but I am a bit confused. She seemed so blah in the prologue--she just lets herself get pushed into marriage--that her sudden strength in Chapter 1 struck me as odd. That's why I'd rather have her start out abandoned at her new hubby's home and then go back and find out how she ended up that way, if that makes sense.
Not much here so far, but the bones look good. One small thing -- are you going to explain how she knows how to read the legal documents? Generally, women wouldn't be handed a ream of papers like that. It would be expected that someone would have to explain things.
This is great first draft material, but it feels more like an extended synopsis than a first chapter. Focus on making the reader feel the emotions of the characters rather than spelling them out word for word. Give more credence to the rich physical world in which Lark lives and the complex emotions leading up to her decision to not sign the agreement, and you'll find this chapter with lengthen and the readers will be drawn further into the characters. Thanks so much for sharing and I look forward to following your progress!
These characters have great potential. By giving them more sensory detail and including hints of back story, they can be made more compelling and it makes up upping the ante on the tension a lot easier.
The only thing that stands in the way of your plot are pacing issues. So much happens in the first chapter and in only a few pages you have seen a wedding, a departure, and four odd days of sleeping. By dragging out the awkwardness of the wedding, the jarring of the carriage ride, and those tender feelings of abandonment, you have a lot of material to work with and many directions that can be expanded.
Dramatic and intriguing prologue, but then it loses momentum. Writing is lovely. Storytelling seems to be wandering and unfocused. Starts out with humorous overtones and then segues into the Gothic realm.
From what I can see of the characters, I like them. They are dynamic and interesting. Would like to see them more together.
Too many questions are unanswered. I don't have enough sense of the story to feel like I have a grip on it. For instance: how does she come to be standing at a marriage ceremony with so little knowledge of her husband to be? Even if the marriage is against her wishes surely she'd know more? Why does he marry her and run off? How does she end up coming to in the coach? Surely she wasn't unconscious all this time (the vomit and whisky smell belies that). Why did she sleep for three days? Why does her husband want her to sign the agreement?
Like the other reviewers, I would have kept reading if there was more to read. You caught my attention right away and held it. As a history buff I found your attention to detail very refreshing. A lot of writers don't understand the time they write about but you have a firm grasp of the era. Well done!
I liked Lark's spunk. She is in a bad situation that she has no control over but she takes the one thing she can control and doesn't let it go.
I was intrigued by the plot and I'd like to see how the story gets worked out. I did wonder about the Duke's wish to keep the marriage one of name only. Most titles are entailed onto the firstborn son and the title holders can't name an heir of their choosing. I hope you add more to this book, I'd love to read it.
Delightful! fast moving, true to the period, with brightly sketched characters that grab the reader and an immediate conflict and dilemma that promise spicy undertakings, this fun read looks just the thing for a spring chaise lounge and glass of lemonade.Too mnay dialogue tags tho.
Need a lot more on the husband. He comes across loutish and unsympathetic in his few sentences.Duchess: cute and likeable. Mirror gazing for description: cliched! in fact, watch out for cliches ( the motherly Scottish housekeeper) in general.
Need to understand why she was rushed into this hasty marriage and then dumped with no possibility of relationship development with the Duke. At this stage I don' know whether this is deliiberate or an oversight.
I thought this was an interesting start, and I liked her backbone at the end. I want to know what the Duke is going to do with her refusal, and that makes for some intriguing scenarios.
There were times I couldn't really get a handle on her--at the beginning, she seemed timid, frail, and that was reinforced by her needing support to get into the manor and then sleeping so much. Then, all of a sudden, she drew on her "aristocratic training." It seemed odd that she wouldn't have used that earlier. Like I want her to be a "never let them see me cry" type of woman, but she definitely didn't start out that way. I did enjoy how she looked at and thought of certain things. For example, the line, "The Devil himself would freeze in hell before she crawled back to them," was a great line.Her desire to "cuddle" her children seems like it's more a modern value, rather than a Regency aristocrat's value. Not that it wasn't done, but with her vehemence, I'd like to know more about what her childhood was like that was so different--most children in the Regency were consigned to the nursery and "trotted out like odd, but perfectly dressed, dolls" (love that line, too, by the way). So what made her rebel so strongly?
I'd have to read more to give any decent feedback on this. There were a few things I thought were uncommon for the Regency, but I've also found conflicting information in my own research of the time period, so I'm not a stickler for historical accuracy (or what I perceive to be accuracy/inaccuracy). I talk about cuddling children in the character development comments, but there was also the presence of a best man (wouldn't the parents be sufficient for witnesses?) and then that he went off to war (not that it wasn't done, but as a Duke without an heir, he's a little more important, and it would be uncommon to run off to military service). These are just some thoughts, and like I said, there is often conflicting information. It definitely wouldn't stop me from reading more.
I --LOVED--THIS. What CHARACTER this woman has. I don't normally read this sub genre, I USED to, and, you've TRULY rekindled a lost love here. I wished I had known she was actually getting married in that first paragraph. That would have been a real hook. It wasn't apparent to me until she was supposed to respond. I liked the surprise, but I think I would have preferred knowing it first off as an opening hook. I thought it was "talk" of her marrying at first. Like her father had just told her she "would" marry. Overall, this was BRILLIANT work. Absolutely loved it. Loved her spunk! The ONLY suggestion is in the final pages and are minor. "he responded" "she rejoined" "he inquired" it actually detracted from the emotion of the moment. When the writing is this good and the content, you don't need all that. "asked" and "said" work much better in this type of scene. It allows the content to shine.
WONDERFUL character development! On the bride and groom. I barely saw the groom but loved what I saw. And of his friend. Loved the old woman and man even! Great job.
PERFECT plot! Love what you're setting up. I can so see the wonderful complications this will cause AND ESPECIALLY the romantic TENSION. BRAVO. I'm not kidding, I realize I'm raving on every point, but it's only the truth.
Loved the beginning. But would have enjoyed seeing that humor carried over more into chapter 1. The voice here just isn't consistent yet, but there's a great potential in the story already.
She seems to become a bit limp in chapter 1. She needs some backbone. I was worried she was seriously ill. Then suddenly she seems to become a different person. I think she needs a little more consistency.
It's a little early to judge the whole plot, but I can see great potential in this. But a minor detail -- I'm not sure a married woman could own property then.
I would say to be wary of the long run-on sentences. There are a few paragraphs which are simply just one sentence. Also you get very flowery with description, which is appropriate for the time, but it breaks apart the pacing. I would like to know how the circumstances transpired to have them married, it was obviously not a compromising situation!
Lark ran hot and cold with me, though I definitely appreciated her backbone nearer the end. She did not seem seventeen years old. The Duke held no redeeming value for me, though we saw very little of him.
I'm uncertain of the exact year this is set, but as the war against Bonaparte is mentioned I'm assuming its the Regency era. I found it a little perplexing that the Duke would rush off into a dangerous situation and nothing is said of a heir. Especially since he is intent on keeping the marriage in name only. Without knowing how the marriage came to be its hard to judge her parents or why Colin was so against it. It seemed premature however.
I thought this set the stage well for the following pages. I would have enjoyed more visual details to help me picture the scene, but I felt I grounded in the mind of the protagonist and her situation. I would like a fuller explanation of how both partners had been forced into a distasteful marriage, but perhaps that is to come.
Yes, I felt I understood the protagonist's desires from the situation and that there is room for development. She is a likable character who shows some spunk.
You opened with a central conflict that I assume will be resolved in the course of the following chapters. Looking forward to seeing more. I feel a little more could be made of her family background as an explanation for events.
First and foremost - I would have kept reading if there was more to read. That's always the most important thing, right? I'm engaged, and want more. The plot and main character are both nicely set up. I found myself wondering if it would be stronger without the prologue?
I like Lark - she is in a bad place but we get a glimpse of her strength. I don't know her well yet, but have a sense she will grown on me. One criticism - it seems like she would be somewhat grateful not to have to deal with the drunken lout immediately, no matter how much she desires children. I'd think the idea of sex would scare her. Hard to really rate character development without reading more.
The central conflict is nicely introduced - so far, so good. I'm wondering what happens next. : ) Again though, it's hard to rate without reading more.
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